almost three

there was an interesting monologue that my daughter spewed forth a few weeks ago. i wrote the whole thing down on a little blue post-it note and just now i had to recover it from underneath the pile of books and papers and random kid drawings next to my bed. here is what the post-it says:

ava: (coming in from playing in the backyard) i saw a mommy bear and a daddy bear outside! i ate them. like chicken. i wuv camping. but the sun keeps me warm. but the sun is hot. oh! there is a baby bear in the kitchen!! (scampers into the kitchen quickly and then a few moments later) mommmmmmeeeeeey!!!! the baby bear POOPED on your kitchen floor!!

thankfully there was no poop on my kitchen floor, baby bear poop or otherwise. i have no idea where she gets this stuff.

my home & native land

 even though its already been 2 months since we flew up north to visit my family in british columbia, i still wanted to remember that very special trip here on my blog. it was much anticipated (first time our whole family was up there in over 3 years) and very much prepared for (new green card for me, and renewed passports for both josh & i) and when we drove the little car filled to the gills with kids and suitcases over the washington border, into BC and i told the kids, "we made it! we're in canada!" my voice wobbled and i had happy tears in my eyes.

it was a glorious 10 days, truly.

 so much beauty

so many cherished family members! this is my younger brother james holding my newest nephew, ethan whom we met for the very first time.

this was the first trip since moving to california 9 years ago, where i felt like a true tourist. i had my camera out as much as my husband did trying in vain to capture some of the rich, green gorgeous views that surround that part of the world.

the calendar was filled ahead of time with fun little day trips and ideas for things to do and see. my dad got to take josh, tristan and samuel out to see trains, throw stones into a river and watch a giant sturgeon being caught.

ava and i opted to stay closer to home, most days drinking in our fill of quality time with family (especially little ethan) and eating our fill of raspberries, freshly picked from the backyard.

the weather smiled down on us, sprinkling slightly only one day out of ten. warm enough for short sleeves during the day, and cool enough to put a sweater on in the evening. just perfect.

josh had a chance to go on a couple of hikes, the last one being up part of mount baker, the peak of which you can see in the distance in this photo.

our kids loved every minute of it as well. they had plenty of playmates and new destinations nearly every day to keep them occupied (sam and ava are at mill lake, above with presley, our friends' daughter)

cousin time was the best though! my oldest brother andy's kids sarah and jacob got along great with our boys. and whenever uncle james & auntie jacelyn came around to play, the fun increased tenfold.

getting out for breakfast at our favorite pancake place was a huge priority for my mom, sister and i.

but my favorite memories of the entire trip were times just like these. sitting together, laughing together, watching the kids (and uncle james) playing together.

celebrating my little girl's 2nd birthday alongside her cousin jacob was like the icing on the cake for me.

all of the togetherness was the most precious part of all. the goodbyes were really hard this time, but the memories from this trip are doing their part to pull us back again.....and we're definitely not going to wait 3 more years again!

six-and-a-half

on july 1st, my oldest baby turned 6 1/2. my heart broke just a tiny bit that morning when i realized it. he is far too old for his own age and i tell him all the time that this growing up business has got to stop. he just looks at me with a little twinkle in his eye and laughs.

teaching him this past school year has been such a joy and we are both anticipating the beginning of first grade in a few months time. he retains so much knowledge and so often i find that he is the one teaching me! after visiting the rodeo for the first time with his gran a little while ago, he decided that he wanted to add "cowboy" to the long list of things he wants to be when he grows up. my friend cindy has a sweet old mare that is just perfect for children to ride, and so he and his siblings have been thrilled at the opportunity to ride her. tristan especially though; he pretty much glows whenever he talks about her.

sometimes i'll catch a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye and will startle at how grown up he looks. he has one permanent top front tooth and the baby one next to it is holding on for dear life. i quietly pray that it will keep holding on a little while longer, that precious little tooth that i rejoiced at when it finally emerged all those years ago. i don't know if i'll be able to throw it away when it finally decides its had enough wiggling and pulling.

because tristan is the oldest, he has had more than his fair share of responsibility thrust upon him, yet he is so good at it! sure, he torments his siblings from time to time (okay, well daily, if i'm going to be completely honest) but they torment him right back and he still loves them dearly and loves helping them out.

ava has a special place in his heart and has since before she was even born. he would do anything to protect her and i detect a certain pride in him now and then when we are out in public and she gets fawned over by strangers, as if he so badly wants to say, "yep, that's my little sister! the cutest girl in the world!" he'll dance with her, sing to her, put a full on puppet show for her, read to her, sit down and have a tea party with her, help her get up or down or unstuck or whatever her little heart desires. he is so good to her.

he is still a shy boy at heart, but his courage helps him push past that so that his shyness tends not to affect his life in a negative way, for which i am thankful. he is so naturally athletic and competitive (thanks to his daddy's genes and absolutely no thanks to mine!) that he will make a game or competition out of everything which can fall rather flat when his completely nonathletic and noncompetitive brother (all thanks to my genes, ha!) couldn't care less.

he is a planner, a romantic, a dreamer, and loves to give. he has such a love for God that it brings tears to my  eyes whenever he talks about Him. today he heard lyrics to a praise song and felt so inspired by it, that he decided to build God out of legos. true story. being a missionary and a pastor are both on his life's to-do list right above being a cowboy, a policeman, and making star wars movies.

i am so in love with the fact that he isn't too old to cuddle with his mommy, or kiss me goodnight. he tells me he loves me so many times throughout the day, just because. he will always be so special to me, my first born, the one i made most of my mistakes on, yet look! he's turned out okay so far! he lights up my life every single day.

man, i love that kid.

my sam

on wednesday, june 5th, he will be four. four. my sweet little miracle baby, already four years old. it just doesn't seem possible.

he has sprouted up tall and lean, his skin still ruddy and tan throughout the year, showing off his impossibly green eyes. he is my non-photogenic child, the brief flashes of dimples and genuine smiles too quick for my camera to capture. he is my happy wanderer, content with only a stick in his pocket and his imagination to carry him away. he is my middle child, my beloved baby boy, my sam.

he sees a flower and immediately has to pick it for me, holding frail blossoms carefully with his dirty little fists, his mouth smiling shyly as i kiss him and say thank you. most of the time he calls me "mommy heidi" and he calls josh, "daddy josh". we're not exactly sure how that got started, but it sort of stuck and now we both find it incredibly endearing. if i slip and accidentally call him "baby boy" (because he will always be my baby boy), he puts on his angry eyes and informs me that he is a "big boy sam."

he is a stick collector, often asking me permission to take a new one home. when i tell him no, he bursts into sudden tears of such extreme grief, so i have learned that a stick collection does no harm, and i allow him to keep them, though i'm still not sure where he hides them all. he prefers wearing shorts to pants, and deep pockets or belt loops hold various pieces of weaponry (pretend light sabers, plastic swords, guns, and of course sticks.)

he is my dreamer.....i have to say his name several times before he becomes aware that i need his full attention. and his full attention is just as difficult to procure as a good photo of him. he is utterly un-self conscious, and rarely shy, answering strangers' questions in the grocery store line while his older brother remains mute. he does his own thing, often fading into the background, where he seems to prefer to be.

he loves babies (he is so gentle with them) and he loves looking at books. he also loves trains, tow trucks, peter pan, star wars (thanks to his older brother), peppa pig, cowboys, school buses, chocolate and the color red. when asked what he wanted to eat at his birthday party, his answer was, "pineapple, popcorn and watermelon".....we added a few things to the menu and i don't think he minded much.

 we had a small, family celebration yesterday in our backyard with an inflatable pool, balloons, hot dogs, plenty of presents and homemade chocolate cupcakes which were definitely not pinterest-worthy. they were, however, very sam-worthy, and i wish i had captured the expression on his face when he first saw them. (then again, it would've been too fleeting an expression for my sad camera skills, i am sure) it was a sticky, hot day and also a very joyful day for sam, who still can't get over all of the new toys that now belong to him.

oh, my sam. you hold my heart so tenderly in your hands, just as you hold the flowers picked especially for me. may God grant me the wisdom and grace to hold yours just as tenderly and to love just as boldly as you do.

happy birthday, my sweet boy.

dimples

she still has dimples along her knuckles, which is my official way of telling whether they are still babies or not. i'm thankful for those dimples because, though ava is not yet 2 years old, she is growing up faster than seems appropriate for someone so small. she wants to grow up, and i am merely chasing after her, out of breath, yelling, "slow down!" to this she responds by turning her head, flashing her little white teeth at me and then laughing while she careens steadily on toward becoming a big kid.

she knows better than this, but by now she is used to being scolded for whatever naughtiness she has gotten into, then smiling for the camera that i pull out straightaway to capture the event. my boys were 3 years old before i could count on dry undies and no more diapers, but this little one is determined to blow their potty training records out of the water!

she can throw a ball better than one of her siblings (i won't mention any names) and already is perfecting the art of pedaling a tricycle. when tristan goes down the end of our lane to gather the trash cans once the truck has been by to empty it, she goes right along with him and wheels a can nearly twice her size back to the house with ease.

its true that we all dote on her a bit....but how can we not? she is the forever baby, our only girl, the spunkiest and brightest little star who cannot let more than a few seconds of silence go by before filling them with her chatter or made-up songs.

she smells like sunshine and she is in love with the world. she is, by far, my happiest little accident.

this made me laugh

 i have to say i have nothing against the time-warp wife; in fact, most of her cute little quotes about respecting our men and embracing our role as wives and mothers make me nod in agreement. this one, however made me guffaw. you see, my husband is many things, but the words "gentle" and "kind", while descriptive of him at times, honestly don't come to the forefront of my mind when i think of his many qualities. he is very loving, yet sarcastic. good looking while being terribly argumentative. sexily strong and equally as stubborn. faithful and yet often frustrating. i know that there are probably many husbands out there who fit the description of being gentle and kind, but i am so thankful that my husband is who he is because it will have been 9 years of marriage in 4 more days and he and i definitely still have it goin' on! he is the rock to my crazy emotions, the salty to my sweet, the chill to my stress and he loves me good.

happy (almost) anniversary, babe. thank you for being who you are and loving me for who i am.

it's raining...

...and i love it. ava had her first no-accident day yesterday with her elmo undies and then decided to start this morning with a big poop in her tinkerbell undies. she is, at the moment, dressing herself up adorably as a fairy princess (one shoe on, tiara upside down on her head, purple fairy wings and pink winter scarf fluttering behind her) and is chasing her brothers who are wielding light sabers. i think its going to be a stay at home, do mountains of laundry, and make popcorn & hot chocolate kind of day.