overwhelmed

well, today is my 2nd day off in a row and i STILL haven't quite got caught up on blog reading yet! i just counted and found that i read 31 blogs. catching up on 31 blogs is not usually a problem, if i get to it every day. however, our computer has been down for the past week (as has our phone...don't ask me how i've survived) and so this whole blog thing is a little overwhelming to me right now. to be honest, i feel that a lot of things are overwhelming to me right now. which reminds me of a cute story: a couple of weeks ago, my sister in law jessica brought kaylee and john up for coffee morning at sara's. (i was in abbotsford at the time) apparently, there were many little kids running wild all over the place, which made kaylee slightly apprehensive about playing with any of them. when sara asked kaylee if she was having fun, she replied in her very mature 3 year old voice, "yes, i'm just feeling a little overwhelmed right now." that was also the day that john pooped his pants, got pink bubble gum stuck in his hair, and threw up, all while sitting in his carseat on the drive home.

now that i've shared that, i feel that my overwhelmedness is less deserving of such a title, but it is there all the same. here is why i feel this way:

1. my health. i have been diligently battling a cold for three weeks now. some days i get the better of it, while on others, it gets the better of me. today, i feel, it is getting the better of me. it makes me tired, achy, and all around irritable.

2. my work. there are a lot of changes happening at my job that affect me directly. i have been offered a promotion that i'm pretty sure i will accept, but, in accepting it, i am also accepting the fact that i will be expected to become THE manager some time later on this year, and may be possibly transferred to another store. i know that the word "promotion" usually brings to mind happy thoughts of success and money, but to my mind, it brings the words responsibility, stress and more time away from family. i do not view myself as a natural leader. i am scared half to death of what managing a store really means. i do know that i won't be doing it alone, that God will help me through it, but for some reason that doesn't make these crazy butterflies in me stop dancing.

3. my service. just about a year ago, i received permission from the pastor of our church to start a church library. at the time, i was basically jobless and starving for things to take up my time. i got busy and organized a used book drive, which was hugely successful. the new church building is now complete, the room designated for the library is ready with bookshelves lining the walls, and there are boxes and boxes of donated books just waiting to be catalogued. and now it is up to me to start a library from scratch. everytime i think about what all needs to be done, my heart sinks. it seems so overwhelming to me, but even more than that, i feel i lack the time to do any of it. i work full time and value my at-home time so much. is that selfish of me? i also know the importance of serving in the body of Christ and the blessings i will receive from doing so. i suppose i just need a little motivation to get me off my butt and just start somewhere.

*deep breath out.* i feel so much better now that i've got that load off my chest. i'd value your comments and insight on this. i'd also value your prayers, that God will give me the motivation, strength and endurance to power through the things that just need to get done. and a prayer to evict these butterflies from my tummy wouldn't hurt either.

that's all for now. hopefully a happier post to come soon.

-heidi