a scary blessing

i truly cannot believe that my little baby boy is already one month old! time is flying by so fast...it feels like just yesterday that i held him in my arms for the first time. samuel is still such an easy baby so far. (have to add the "so far" in there, just in case!) he sleeps during most of the day, causing me to have to wake him up every now and then to feed him. he eats every 3 hours, and can go for up to 6 1/2 hours at night before crying for food. he has never cried hard for a long period of time, and because he is so easy going, i find myself following suit and just going with the flow. i have even attempted to feed him at longer intervals during the day, but have found that if i wait longer than 3 hours, he is too hungry and gulps his food down so fast that he throws it all up afterwards. this reflux kind of comes and goes...i'm trying to figure out all the things that may trigger it, but it can often seem really random. yesterday he had 2 episodes after nearly a week of not having one single episode! i may need to begin keeping a food journal to see if what i'm eating bothers him. he spends the night in his own room down the hall and its actually been really nice to not have him grunting and snoring next to me all night :)

for tristan's first year of life, i took a picture of him laying on the same blanket once a month so that i could see how quickly he was growing. i found the same blanket and i'm going to begin doing that with samuel as well, starting today. i'll post those pictures on the boys' picture blog. i've already mentioned that i'm quite relaxed with this baby, but i also have to say that i feel so much better all around. the recovery part of having a baby hasn't bothered me nearly as much this time around. i'm not sure if its because i've done this once before, or if i've just gone through so much pain in the past 3 months that this feels like a piece of cake. i'm also sure that having the baby out of my belly has caused my leg to heal much quicker. at my last physical therapy appointment, my range of motion was declared "perfect", though it takes a bit of stretching to get it there. i still need to work on my balance, which entails practicing standing only on my broken leg without holding onto anything. the swelling in my ankle is back, so i'm wearing some super tight tubes of fabric on my leg, which is really quite uncomfortable in this summer heat, but it sure helps. we've been getting out of the house quite a bit to see friends and family and it feels amazing to be doing these "normal" things that i haven't experienced in such a long time!

i mentioned in my last post that josh has been home because he has no work. this has been what i call a "scary blessing". scary for obvious reasons such as "what will we eat once our freezer is empty?" but the biggest blessing in terms of having this time together as a family, and we are enjoying it to the fullest. we're planning on using our zoo passes to make a trip there this week, we've been swimming at our friends' pool, we've shown tristan the dinosaur exhibit at the wild animal park, and we've had the opportunity to hang out with friends. i've also rarely had to worry about dealing with an unruly toddler while my baby cries for food. tristan gets to go with daddy to do errands, and when i need to run a few errands myself, i feed the baby and leave both boys with josh, or just take tristan with me. yesterday i took the boys to the park by myself. i'm so thankful that i have a pretty obedient little 2 year old because it was a piece of cake. i didn't have to worry about tristan running around in the parking lot or taking off in the opposite direction while asking him to "come here." samuel napped in the stroller while tristan sampled every single slide and made castles in the sand.

we really don't know what the future holds for our family, and this is such a cliche, but its so true that we know Who holds the future. God has blessed us incredibly and has always provided for us and we know He will continue to do so. so far we've never missed a bill and we always have food on the table for every meal. we are all healthy and so in love with each other and though, at times like this when we could easily let doubt and fear take over, we choose instead to rest in God and allow His peace to wash away our uncertainties. surrendering my worry is something i choose to do daily and i am ever grateful to have a God that not only takes those worries on Himself, but wants to do it. "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

little piggies

childless pictures from june

since having decided shortly after tristan was born that we didn't want pictures of him on a public blog, its been increasingly difficult to find photos that are suitable for my blog. now that we have 2 kids, childless pictures are even more scarce. but my blog has been looking awfully plain lately, so i decided to search through the last month's photos and post a few that don't include children. i have to admit, the results are pretty pathetic :)

this first one was taken by my mom not long after i had given birth (hence the still pudgy face!) we took the boys to a local park just to get out of the house and to get some fresh air. we had an unusually cool june near the beginning of the month, so i had samuel all bundled up against the chilly wind. since that day, i don't believe i've really used the wheelchair. in fact, we called the rental company to come pick it up on monday because we no longer need it!

my dad arrived a couple of days after my mom flew down with his boler in tow. isn't that the cutest little trailer you've ever seen? its got a bed and kitchen and table in there, can you believe it? perfect for my parents.


tristan lined all of his little cars up on the living room floor and my mom helped him count them all. he LOVES his cars.


my moms :) we got to celebrate father's day and the guys' birthdays at josh's parents house. it was also very special to celebrate father's day with my own dad for the first time in 5 years!


we saw this lightning mcqeen potty seat at wal mart and just couldn't resist. tristan spent the first day using it as a frame for his face as well as a place to put his snack. he enjoys sitting on it, but hasn't actually "performed" on it yet.

samuel is 3 weeks old today! he is still quite easy going, but has started to stay awake much more lately. i'm trying very hard not to get too worked up about his napping habits. having a 2 storey home makes it hard to keep things consistent. ideally, i'd put him in his bassinet for his naps, but i'm too lazy to do the whole monitor thing right now, running up and down the stairs, so he still falls asleep in the car, on us, and most commonly while he eats. soon enough i'll get him on a bit of a routine, but for now a more relaxed approach is working for us.

tristan is doing well in terms of loving his baby brother and helping out, but he's been having a bit of difficulty adjusting to the lack of attention. he is a very cuddly boy, and seeing me holding the baby or nursing him makes tristan want to climb up on me as well, which isn't really possible. thank goodness that josh has been home! we didn't plan on him staying home, but he has had no work lately, so even though it sucks financially, its also been a blessing for me to have his help in easing into staying home with 2 kids.

speaking of staying home, i got out of the house and drove myself for the first time since my accident! josh has been hesitant about the idea of me driving, especially with the kids in the car. he isn't worried about my driving skills, just about how my leg will hold up if i happen to slam on the brakes or something. so today, while tristan was napping, josh stayed home with both boys while i went out and did groceries. i can't tell you how liberating it felt to be in the driver's seat for the first time in over 3 months. i have my last physical therapy session on monday and i'm hoping i'll soon be rid of this limp.

josh is, at this moment, making the necessary moves upstairs so that samuel can sleep in his own room tonight. i think i'm ready for this...he can be a bit of a noisy sleeper, so it will be nice not to hear every little snuffle. on the other hand, i'm not looking forward to blindly staggering down the hallway in the middle of the night from our room to his....he still has some wide awake times at night plus wakes up to eat around every 3.5-4 hours. last night i got about 4 hours of sleep since tristan woke up at midnight, thinking it was morning and took awhile to re-settle, then was up for the day at 4:45am. thankfully i got another hour of sleep once josh woke up, which was heavenly. so, its been challenging so far, but really not worse than i expected.

this post has taken me all day to write! samuel is finally asleep (hasn't slept since this morning) and i need to get dinner going. i have no idea how those of you with plenty of kids find time to blog at all!

just blame it on post-pregnancy brain

initially, i was pretty impressed with how quickly i was ready for church this morning. after a trying night during which my infant son decided that he not only wanted to be wide awake, but wanted to suck the entire time as well (thank God for pacifiers!), i quickly showered and dressed and even had time to blow my hair dry before eating breakfast and getting my shoes on. i was happy that my dad is here for father's day and i was looking forward to enjoying sitting in church with my family....josh's first father's day as a proud daddy of two. just before we headed out the door, josh asked me "did you get the car seat back together yet?" that's when everything went downhill.

we are still trying to figure out ways to keep samuel's recently ingested food inside of his stomach. one pretty good way is to keep him upright for awhile after i've fed him. we've also discovered that one pretty good way to make sure the food does not stay in his stomach is to put him into his car seat shortly after he's been fed. yesterday afternoon we were silly enough to disregard this knowledge and i went ahead and fed him right before we left to go to the park. as we were pulling out of our driveway, i looked back at tristan and said, "if baby sam has milk coming out of his mouth, tell mommy and daddy, okay?" a mere 2 minutes later we heard the word "MILK!" exclaimed from the backseat. josh pulled over, i hopped into the back between the car seats and surveyed the damage. it was pretty bad, but i did my best to mop up most of the mess and josh drove on. once we arrived at the park and took the car seat out of its base, we realized just how bad it was as streams of milk dripped from the bottom of the seat.

this has happened to us before, so we knew the drill. once our fun at the park was done and we had driven home, the car seat had every little piece of fabric removed from it and the seat was then hosed off. the approximately 150 pieces that compile the car seat's padding were thrown into the laundry (along with my boppy pillow which was baptized in a similar fashion to the car seat earlier in the day) and that was that. when josh told me, an hour later that he was just double rinsing the car seat padding and that it would need to be taken out and drip-dried overnight, my brain did not compute any of what he said. which brings us to this morning.

everyone is ready to go except for the car seat. all 150 pieces of the padding is still sitting in the laundry, clean but sopping wet. no car seat = no baby going to church. since the baby needed to be fed in another hour, and i am the sole provider of the baby's food, that meant there was no other option but for me to stay home with samuel while everyone else went to church. and on father's day of all days! (well, i suppose it may have felt worse if it was mother's day...) my mom, bless her heart, actually wondered aloud if it would be so terrible to hold him in my arms as we drove. after all, that's exactly how my siblings and i were transported as infants, back when it was perfectly legal. both josh and i tried not to act too horrified, though i muttered something about "jail time" if a cop stopped us. definitely not an option.

so, as you can see i've accomplished quite a lot in a quiet house with samuel asleep on my belly. i changed my template to something a little more easy to read, and i got the boy's picture blog changed as well. i've just begun the daunting task of catching up on blog reading and the hard drive is being defragmented as we speak. amazing how much can be done while sitting in a comfy rocking chair, smelling a newborn's head.

13 days old

still haven't had a chance to fix up tristan's picture blog, but i'll get on that soon. i've been a lazy blogger, just enjoying hanging out with my parents and boys and even my husband, since he hasn't had a lot of work lately. things are still going really well here. samuel is a great baby (at this point....i can't say that without thinking that pretty soon he'll snap out of it and begin screaming like a banshee just like his older brother did). last night he slept from 9:30-4:00 straight, which was heavenly. of course, just the night before that, he woke up several times and felt like staying awake after each feeding, so every night is a new experience, but i certainly can't complain after getting 6 full hours of sleep.

we've had a couple of health concerns with samuel, which started last week. a couple of days after arriving home from the hospital, he began spitting up what looked like ALL of what he had just eaten. tristan used to spit up all the time, but this was almost more like vomiting. he'd actually gag and then a huge gush of milk would come out over and over until his stomach was empty. of course, once he had recovered and after i had changed his outfit, and my outfit, he'd be hungry all over again. this would happen about 4 times a day...and i was nursing him every 3 hours. so at his first well-baby visit when he was 4 days old, i asked the nurse about it. she was quite concerned first of all because he had gone from weighing 8lbs 2oz at birth to weighing 7bs 4oz only 4 days later. she also noticed that he was quite jaundiced and so she had me take him to the lab to have blood taken, then down to radiology to have an ultrasound done on his tummy to make sure that his stomach was digesting food properly. thank goodness my mom was with me and that tristan stayed home with josh. we were at the medical facility for hours awaiting results. when the nurse mentioned the word "surgery" as the only answer if there was something wrong with his stomach, i lost it and my eyes would not stop leaking after that.

thankfully, the ultrasound showed no problems with his stomach, but his billirubin (jaundice) was slightly on the high side. the nurse recommended that i feed him every 2 hours instead of 3 (which i started to do immediately) and to supplement with formula to flush the jaundice out quicker (to which i said "thank you for the advice" and completely ignored such a ridiculous suggestion). then she told us to come back the next day to have even more blood taken to check his billirubin levels all over again. keep in mind that the place where i have to take him is a 45min. drive each way. i followed my mother's instinct and fed him diligently, held him upright for 30 min. after each feeding to keep him from spitting up and i did not go back to get more blood taken....a process that involved "milking" blood from his heel for 10 minutes in order to fill 4 vials.

that evening he threw up his food once more, then after that he pretty much stopped doing it! things were going well until a few days ago when i noticed that the "booger" i had just wiped from his eye had suspiciously returned, and had brought some of its booger friends with it. i wiped it away, but throughout the day realized that it was only getting worse. by yesterday morning it had begun to spread to his other eye. so again, my mom and i brought little samuel down to see the doctor (unfortunately, his pediatrician was booked, so we got him in with a newer one). at this point, if his eyes weren't continually wiped, they would get so full of gunk that he wouldn't be able to open them. again, i was so thankful that tristan was able to stay home with his dad because we were there for 5 hours this time. the new pediatrician messed up the first swab he did, so after 45 minutes of waiting for the results, we were called back in so he could take another swab properly. he kept asking me odd questions about my medical health and it only made sense later when he told me they were testing samuel for gonorrhea or chlamydia!!!! oh my. well, of course i could have told him that the results would come back negative, but of course he had to check for himself. so after the 2nd swab, we waited for over an hour before being called back in so that he could tell us that the results were negative. then he sort of stumbled over his words, acting all unsure, at one point trying to call another doctor in for a second opinion. at the end he said "well, obviously i'm on the fence here. either we put him in the hospital and hook him up to an IV or i just give you a prescription for eye medicine." i wasn't sure if he was kidding, but i don't think he was. then he was like "aww, i'll just write you out a prescription."

thankfully the eye gel is working already and baby samuel looks as perfect as he did the day he was born. except he's still a few ounces lighter (he weighed in at 7lbs 13oz yesterday, but that's gaining an ounce a day, so he's doing well).

emotionally, i am feeling great so far. i think getting enough sleep is key, and having my parents here allows me to sleep in in the mornings. i don't allow myself to think about having to get up at 5:30am with tristan once my mom is gone. samuel honestly rarely cries. when he's hungry he makes little coughing sounds in his throat and at night that can escalate to whimpers if i don't respond right away. he doesn't like being put in his car seat at all, but doesn't mind it once the car is actually moving. josh and i have had a chance to go out alone a couple of times and its been really nice. i don't have any of those anxious worries that i used to get when i'd leave tristan behind. since i have a history of post partum depression, i'm keeping an eye on any symptom that may indicate that it is coming back, but so far i am feeling like myself. actually, i'm feeling much better now that i don't have a huge belly in front of me, since i can actually walk without a cane or anything! i have quite the "attractive" waddle/limp going on, but i can officially walk! life is good.

Samuel's Birth Story

on thursday, june 4th i wrote a blog post about how impatient i was and how ridiculous it was that samuel wasn't here yet. that evening, at around 6pm i began having contractions while making dinner. they were usually between 5-8 minutes apart and were noticeable enough for me to make note of the times. when josh went upstairs at 7pm to give tristan a bath and put him into bed, i sat down and just concentrated on what type of pain it was. i could definitely feel the pain begin in my lower back and radiate towards the bottom of my uterus. because we had already had one "false alarm" i wasn't quite sure what to do, but my gut told me that it would be wise if tristan spent the night at his grandparent's house. that way, he wouldn't have to be woken up in the middle of the night just in case we had to go down to the hospital. i called josh's mom and she came right away to pick him up. he was so cute, all clean and jammied up as he went out the door clutching his teddy bear and saying "later gator!"

i couldn't sit still, so i just paced the living room and kitchen over and over, willing the contractions to increase in pain and get closer together. at 8pm josh asked if he should begin to get the last minute things packed in the hospital bag. i said to wait until 8:30 and then i'd let him know. by 8:30, they were every 5 minutes apart and i was still so uncertain about whether what i was feeling was labor or not. however, knowing how quickly tristan had arrived, and knowing how far dilated i already was, i finally decided not to take any risks, so we drove down to the hospital, arriving at around 9:30pm.

this time we were ushered into an actual delivery room, which seemed hopeful. the nurse was young and chatty, and when she checked me i just prayed one word "please!" i felt utter disappointment when she said "looks like you're still at 3.5 cm". still, she said she'd call the doctor and ask her opinion as well. when she came back, she told us "you have 2 options. you can either go home, or walk around for an hour and see if you progress at all." of course we both chose to walk and this time we really walked! i had brought the walker with me, and i went as fast as i could around and around the halls. we stopped for about 10 minutes, and i was up again right away. i hadn't walked that long in 3 months and i could sure feel it in my legs, but there was no way i was going to give up, knowing how close we were.

after an hour, the same nurse checked me again and i struggled not to cry as she told me that i was still the same. before she left our room, she asked, "where did you guys say you lived?" we told her and she asked "and how long does it take you to drive here?" we told her it takes about 45 minutes and she sort of said "hmmmm...just a second i'm going to talk to the doctor again." after waiting only a few minutes, a different nurse arrived in our room ready to take down our information and start my IV. "by the way, the doctor said to admit you!" she said and josh and i just beamed at one another.

after i was all hooked up, josh and i settled in for what we knew would be a horrible night's sleep. josh had a very uncomfortable chair to sleep on and i just couldn't sleep well knowing that very likely the next day i'd be holding our little baby boy. at 5am we were both wide awake. our nurse told me that the doctor would be doing her rounds starting at 6, so we'd know more then. my contractions had become less frequent and less strong during the night, so i asked the nurse if there was a chance they'd still send us home. "don't worry" she told us, "you probably won't be sent home until you have a baby in your arms." she guessed that the doctor would start me on some pitocin to get the contractions going again, which didn't sound great to me, but i had been planning on having an epidural anyway, so i decided i'd just ask for it right away.

at 7am the doctor came in to see me. she checked me and said that i was 4cm dilated and instead of starting me on pitocin, she went ahead and broke my water. sure enough, my contractions started up again in earnest. i asked for an epidural, thinking that it would be a fast and furious labor, but had to wait a little while because the anesthesiologist was attending a c-section at the moment. by the time she came to our room i was very ready for her! the funny thing is, getting the epidural felt very different from the one i got with tristan and also the spinal that i got prior to my surgery. it really "zinged" up and down my spine and tingled all over the right side of my body. the anesthesiologist commented that it seemed i had a bit of scar tissue at the site and that my spine was rather stiff. it was downright painful, so i was relieved when it was all over. except that 30 minutes later, i was still feeling every contraction.

after giving birth to tristan, my right leg remained numb for hours. this time, the epidural numbed my right side completely, but did nothing for my left side. i felt the pain crystal clear all along the left side of my body, and it was NOT fun. at this point, the doctor (who was a different doctor that the one who had seen me in the morning) was concerned that the monitor on my stomach wasn't picking up samuel's heart rate very well, so he attached an electrode to the top of his head. that was about the same time i asked for the anesthesiologist to come in and fix my epidural, but was told that she was busy attending another c-section. the contractions were pretty hard to bear at this point. i remember feeling as if i was going to throw up during the peak of each one, and also saying "i can't do this anymore!" josh was an amazing coach. he talked me through each one, stroking my hair and holding my hand. when he saw that i was panicking and couldn't get on top of the pain, he reminded me to breathe and to focus. it helped me to focus on one particular spot on the ceiling while concentrating on taking deep breaths, but i still felt like i wanted to die. ( i know, i'm such a wimp when it comes to pain!)

while waiting for the anesthesiologist to arrive, the doctor became concerned that my contractions were no longer being read properly by the monitor, so he attached another electrode to the inside of my uterus, which measured the intensity of my contractions as well as the frequency. for some reason, this seemed to bother little samuel and his heart rate became very sporadic. in spite of the waves of pain i was experiencing, i was clear-headed enough to realize that something wasn't right with out little boy. i could hear his heart beat thumping here and there, then stopping all together for a few seconds, then starting up again. the anesthesiologist arrived to fix my epidural, but the doctor wouldn't let her near me until he had figured out how to stabilize the baby. i heard the word "c-section" at one point and in between contractions i just kept praying over and over again "keep my baby safe." i had been laying on my left side in hopes that the epidural would find its way over there (it hadn't). so the doctor told me to try laying on my right side. it seemed as if the moment i turned over, samuel's heart beat struck up its old rhythm and happily galloped away, again the sweetest sound i've ever heard.

finally the anesthesiologist had an opportunity to "fix" my epidural. all she did apparently was pull the catheter partway out of my back and soon after, sweet painless relief swept over my left side. the doctor checked me again after that and said "oh! you're at 10 cm right now!" i had told the anesthesiologist ahead of time that i wanted to be sure to feel the urge to push. with tristan, the epidural was too strong, so i never felt a thing and he had to be helped out with the vacuum. she assured me that i'd feel pressure, and perhaps even a little pain, and i was thankful for that. the thing was, even fully dilated i did not feel the urge to push at all. the nurse told me that the baby's head was still quite far up, so i should take that time to relax and allow the contractions to do their job and send him further down the birth canal before i began pushing.

i relaxed for about an hour and a half, dozing off in between contractions that i could feel, but could easily deal with. when the nurse checked to see where his head was at that point, she told me that he hadn't moved down at all, so i'd have to have a little pitocin to help my contractions get stronger in order to get him moving. the pitocin worked so quickly as the contractions became much more painful and soon i was feeling the urge to push. and so i did. i had been pushing for about 15 minutes when the doctor came back in to see how things were going. when he reached in to feel the baby's head, i asked him "is he facing up?" because the night nurse had told me that the type of contractions i was having could mean that my baby was face up. "nope, he's sideways." the doctor told me. and so he began trying to turn him around during every contraction. at this point i was extremely thankful that my epidural was working because i was sure that i'd have passed out from the pain if i could have felt it. he kept trying over and over to turn the baby and was unable to get him to face downwards, but eventually he got him facing upwards.

after another 30 minutes of pushing, the doctor gave us the option of having him use the vacuum on poor little samuel. i was exhausted and so ready for it all to be over, so when josh nodded at me, i just said yes right away. even with the vacuum, the doctor had to work hard to haul him out of there! out he came, facing the ceiling, looking up at everyone around him. at our request, the doctor and nurses rubbed him briefly with a towel, then left him on me while they quietly cleaned up and left our room. unbathed, unweighed or measured, josh and i were free to enjoy our son in peace for over an hour, all alone. i nursed him right away and he was a pro at eating right from the start. we marveled at his dark hair, his tiny fingernails and cute little toes. when we were ready, i called the nurse back in to measure and bathe him. i had guessed that he was bigger than tristan, and sure enough he weighed 8lbs 2oz (tristan was 7lbs 8oz).

despite the doctor telling me before he used the vacuum that i probably wouldn't tear, i did anyhow. i asked him how many stitches i had and he said "honey, i'm not counting, i'm just going in and out a whole bunch of times!" that was disappointing for me, since i hated the recovery from that last time, but later the nurse told me that if this had been my first child, they probably would have done a c-section as soon as they realized that he was facing sideways. since i had already pushed one baby out, the doctor felt that i could push this one out too even though he was in more of a difficult position, so i was thankful for that.

later on that evening tristan arrived with josh's parents. he didn't show much interest in the quiet little bundle that josh was holding, but he sure loved the present that baby sam got for him! after they left, rob & jessica arrived with their kids (and hamburgers and milkshakes!) and helped cart all of our things from the delivery room to the post-partum room. i sent josh home that night, knowing i'd be well taken care of by the nurses and that he'd benefit greatly from a good night's sleep.

we were discharged the next day and, once tristan came home, just savored the feeling of our little family now blessed by another member. tristan watched the baby for awhile and then finally plopped himself onto the couch, put his arms out and declared, "baby sam. hold it." ever since then, he's been so proud of his little brother, telling people his name, rubbing his head, watching diaper changes with fascination, telling the baby "its okay" when he cries and holding him every time the urge strikes.

we had a bit of a stressful day last tuesday during samuel's first checkup, which i may write about later, but things are going well now. his jaundice is nearly gone and he is gaining weight. he sleeps ALL the time, but is just starting to have longer periods of awake time. so far he rarely cries. when he wakes up at night, he sounds like a little kitten meowing softly for some food. to me and josh, he looks a lot like tristan did as a newborn and we can't wait to see if he stays dark haired, or if he turns blond like his big brother.

as for me, i do feel so much more relaxed this time around. the pain of recovery seems nothing in comparison to recovering from my accident, and i'm actually able to walk without a cane now that i'm not so front-heavy with pregnancy! still, i don't know what i'd do without my parents here. josh hasn't had steady work lately, and that has also been a blessing in disguise as i love having him around and i know he's enjoying getting to know his newest son. i'm just focusing on taking things one day at a time and when i have one particularly sleepless night, i don't allow myself to worry that the next night will be as difficult.

if you've made it this far CONGRATULATIONS! thanks for reading :) i'll be posting pictures onto tristan's picture blog (which will be re-named) soon.

sorry

we haven't had internet at home for a few days (i'm at the library right now) so the birth story will have to wait. i'm going to begin writing it out so that my post-pregnancy brain doesn't forget all the details!

things are going really well here, tristan has been an absolutely perfect older brother; no signs of jealousy at all. he is super affectionate and gentle towards samuel. samuel is (so far) a pro at sleeping and eating. he is a bit jaundiced, so i'm trying to get a bit more food into him right now, but his nights have been pretty good, which i'm so thankful for.

my mom is here right now and my dad arrives tomorrow. as soon as our internet is back, i'll be on here posting the birth story, which was much different than i expected, but of course has a happy ending :)