mother always knows best

my mother has always told me, when it comes to making meals for guests, "never EVER make something that you haven't made before." in the past, i have always heeded her words. sunday was an exception.

we invited a couple to our house for dinner on sunday. it was long overdue, as they had invited us out for dinner last summer and treated us to a delicious feast of things we had never before tasted, like escargot and baby octapus. now, i ask of you, WHAT IN THE WORLD do you make for people who are used to eating fancy food? i don't know how make fancy food! i mean, i consider lettuce wraps kinda fancy, but...nah. so i thought of a few things that i had made before that had turned out good, but none of them seemed quite right. josh even voluteered to make his yummy chicken cordon bleu, but she is jewish and i wasn't sure if she eats pigs or not. well, sara came up with a great idea. (and it TRULY WAS a great idea, sara) she had a recipe for prime rib! she said that she had made it once before and it was super easy and super yummy. i ask josh what he thinks. his eyes light up and he tells me, "baby, if you make prime rib, you will be my hero!" alright! bring on the prime rib!

so, prime rib is fancy, right? it sure costs enough! i carefully planned out my menu and did all of the necessary groceries. prime rib, roasted vegetables, garlic mashed potatoes, green beans, dinner rolls and caesar salad, plus an appetizer. as soon as we got home from church, i set to work, chopping vegetables like crazy. they called us to get directions, had just been to their Purim carnival. when josh hung up the phone, he said, "why do i get the feeling that they're bringing their kids with them?" sheer panic. only 2 lbs of meat. how many kids do they have? i remembered meeting 2 little girls. josh suggested making hot dogs for the girls. BUT HOT DOGS AREN'T FANCY! okay, calm down, breathe, and let's get the prime rib in the oven.

the recipe suggested that, for medium rare meat, to cook at 300 degrees for 15-20 minutes per pound. that would mean to cook it for 40 mintues, right? i set everything to time the meal so that the aroma of the meat would fill the house just as they would enter it, and that it would be ready 15 minutes later. lovely.

they pull up. josh and i both peer out the window, trying in vain to see through their darkened windows whether or not they brought the kids. couldn't see. went outside to welcome them and OH NO! THEY BROUGHT THE KIDS! i said the quickest of "hi's" and tore back inside, my heart racing. i grabbed a couple of extra place mats and plates and scooted everything over on the table to fit 2 more places and just finished as they walked in the front door. okay, so i'll just eat half a piece of meat and everyone will get some.

smiles and hugs and OH NO! i had remembered 2 little girls. they had one little girl and 2 more not -so -little - girls. one of whom was a teenager!! crises alert! not enough food! oh shoot, the appetizer! i got the feta-tomato topping out with slices of french baguette, secretly hoping that they'd fill their tummies up in the next 15 minutes and not be hungry for dinner. i then set to work getting ready to mash the potatoes. potatoes done, timer beeping, i take the meat out and then stuck the meat thermometer in...the little red pointy thing on the thermometer was NOT moving! i looked at josh with a look that must have been laden with distress and asked him to come and look. he looked and confirmed exactly what i saw: thermometer not moving. meat not hot yet. it was then that our guest informed us that when she makes prime rib (which sounded like it was a common occurance) it takes nearly 2 hours to cook. blood draining from face. throat constricting. okay, so maybe our thermometer is broken. i grabbed the phone and called the only logical person to call in such a crises: the giver of the recipe, sara. she told me that their meat was done after around that long and to stick my thermometer in hot water to see if it works. i stuck and it worked. put the meat back in the oven, and turned the temp. up.

i could not sit. i had to pace. tore lettuce for the salad, paced, timer goes off, take the meat's temperature yet again, the red pointy thing MOVED!! but only a little bit. okay, back in the oven. apologize to the guests, pace some more until josh basically forced me to sit down. timer goes off, meat is almost done!! gladness filled my heart, boiled water for the beef broth. bit of excitement where the guests are sitting...seems that their daughter is allergic to oliver. tears streaming down her face. she is told to wash her hands and face and stop picking up the cat! timer goes off....red thingy moves enough!! meat is done!!! okay, now let it rest. steam veggies, put now-cold mashed potatoes into the oven, stir beef broth into wine for au jus, put rolls in toaster oven. breathe. smile and laugh at jokes being shared, say "no thank you" when asked if i need help. the end is close at hand.

everything is nearly ready...josh is cutting the meat and i am getting the salad ready when UH OH! oliver just threw up on the carpet. josh runs to wipe it up before it can ruin anyone's appetite and suddenly i am being asked whether we have any benadryll since the girl's allergies are not getting any better, so i rush off to find something for her, forgetting to turn off the toaster oven. found some pills, rush back to the kitchen, blow away smoke, discard burnt rolls and scoop roasted veggies into dish, only to find that they are CRUNCHY!!!! at that point i realized that i was incapable of caring any more, so i served crunchy veggies and didn't say a word about them.

apparently, the meat was delicious, the whole dinner divine. i have no idea if everyone had enough to eat. i have no idea if the meat was too tough, or the potatoes too garlicy. all i know is that i made it through, and i will NEVER EVER make something for the first time when we have invited guests for dinner. next time, i am determined, we will go to d'carlos and allow the talented chefs there to make our prime rib for us.

after the guests have left and the dishwasher is full, josh kisses me softly and tells me "you did a great job" "am i your hero, now?" i ask. he smiles, "of course". i take a deep, contented sigh. it was all worth it, then. so, who's coming over for dinner next? i'll make my delicious prime rib for you!