Monday, November 27, 2006

8 months (and 1 week) picture


okay, here. now are you happy? no, that is not a giant inflatable pool toy attatched to my middle, that is my baby. and yes, i stayed in my pajamas for this one because they are comfy. josh laughed when he caught me putting a quick swipe of lipstick on before he shot this. you can't blame a girl for trying to look a little more human and a little less whale-like, can you? to be very very honest, (because that's what kind of a mood i'm in right now) i feel like the most gigantic and unattractive being ever to walk this earth. (and i am NOT fishing for compliments here. just sharing from my heart) i'm having a hard time with my body changing so drastically. i've already gained 40 lbs and still have at least 7 weeks to go. it's not that i'm terrified that i won't lose the weight, i guess it's just that i can't stand the way i look right now. and i know that it's all for my baby, the stretch marks and varicose veins and swollen ankles and cellulite that seems to go all the way down to my calves and puffy face....it's all for him somehow, but it kinda makes it hard to look in the mirror some days. i can be my own words of wisdom and tell myself things like, "but you are healthy and your baby is healthy and what more could you ask for?" and that is true. so i'm being selfish. so shoot me.
got an email from my mom this morning about the gargantuan snowfall that has engulfed my home town. she sent me pictures, one of my dad happily shoveling the driveway. as i stared at the pictures, i suddenly got this very unexpected wave of homesickness. i can remember the sound that the old wooden shovel makes as it's pushed along the length of the driveway. i can remember the hushed way the world gets when huge flakes come drifting down...it's as if the snow dampens the usual noises. i can remember watching the snow falling, dancing in the light of the streetlamp outside of our house. toboganning down the hill a block away. looking up at the sky and feeling the flakes land like wet little kisses all over my face. perhaps it wasn't homesickness i was experiencing, perhaps it was snowsickness. at any rate, i missed it badly enough to feel melancholy all the way to work.
we did have a wonderful thanksgiving, which we celebrated on saturday. had our traditional water balloon toss and played horseshoes at my parents in law's house. josh's aunt and uncle and cousins were there as well. good times had by all. today it rained and that made me smile.
only 2 weeks left of work... i am so ready to be done! christmas shoppers can be a little fanatical. with our extended holiday hours, i don't get home until past 11pm on the nights that i close. i just keep plodding along knowing that every day is one day closer to my last. people have told me that i'll be bored once i'm on maternity leave, but i really don't think i will be. it's christmas, for crying out loud! i am going to do christmas baking like my oven has never seen! oh yes, and i even have lofty plans of sending out christmas cards this year, perhaps even with a picture. i'll be able to cook my husband proper meals and wash and fold all of tristan's little clothes before he gets here. and let's not forget blogging! i refuse to be bored.

15 comments:

Bonnie and Cam Dowd said...

You're getting close to the end now. That's exciting. I understand how you feel. Pregnancy certainly takes it's toll doesn't it?
I'm not bored on maternity leave--I love it! Just remember to keep in touch with all your friends so you can have adult conversations. :)

Lee said...

Listent to me. You are BEAUTIFUL. Member how great it felt when it snowed on a school day? Ahhh.

lil said...

Yes, Heidi, I'm sure you'll enjoy your time off greatly, being the Christmas season! What will be so neat is that you can sit down and put your legs up to give them a rest whenever you want! Swollen ankles are not fun.
Do you need a Whipped Shortbread Cookie recipe? I have a great one I've done for many years! They melt in your mouth.
God bless you richly your last month!!

Jennifer said...

the body changes are only temporary. things do change back even if right now you think they won't.
bordem? not persay. just an adjustment from being in a workplace workplace to being at a home workplace. it depends on how active you keep yourself...there is never nothing to do with your babe.I highly doubt hanging out with precious Tristan will bore you.7 weeks and you'll be holding your dear one. Isn't 9 months the longest and the shortest at the same time? I love you. Just keep gestating.

Zandra said...

How weird is it that I JUST spent the past few hours with you and yet reading your blog shines new light on these things that I've just talked with you about...?

Anonymous said...

the last month is the hardest, so whine away. We all know that a healthy baby is important bla bla bla but you still have every right to whine if needed.

Though you feel like a balloon- you do not look puffy. I even clicked for a bigger image to see. You look great. You carry a giant belly though! My friend here is like that, like an olive on a toothpick.

Bored on maternity leave? bah. whatever.

~Shannon

Jenn & Wade said...

I totally sympathize with the beached whale feeling, the last several weeks are really hard because you feel so unattractive and you just can't wait to see your baby.
Have a ton of fun and relaxation (especially before baby comes and you start losing sleep) on your maternity leave..I always looked forward to mine and definatly do not miss working at a workplace.

Naomi said...

You can't go wrong with Mom Goodwins shortbread recipe. She gave it to me when Terran and I were first married and we make them every year. :)

Aimee said...

When my friend was pregnant I gave her a book called, "Dear Lord I feel like a whale". The book was good - but the title was the best, just so honest.

That same friend leant me her stylish maternity clothes when I got pregnant -- because of that I had nicer maternity stuff than prepregnancy clothes.

I think it makes things a LITTLE easier if you have a couple items that fit and are pretty, it might rub off on you. If they're pretty and you're inside of them.. maybe you can feel a little pretty too.

if it's possible maybe you could get something new? I can't believe I'm recommending drowning sorrows in shopping -- well it's not really drowning if you don't buy much...

I agree with the previous commenters, I don't think you'll be bored on mat leave - before and after Tristan is born. Enjoy.

blessings on you, Josh and Tristan in these last weeks.

Aimee

lovella said...

I think it is amazing that you are still working. Remember how you looked forward to Christmas vacation? Well . . .this one will be the best ever. You really look wonderful. Have fun baking.

kelly said...

of course, to all of us, you look beautiful, but the way you feel is real too! And you're right - it's all for Tristan, and it's all worth it in the end. hang on..soon you'll be holding him in your arms, and that will be the most beautiful thing ever.

Jennifer said...

see you are loved for being you. because you are a gorgeous person on the inside despite current whaleness. wonder how a pregnant whale feels?
there is a post in my archives of july 24th where I list a list of last month complaints. I hope to read those journal entries to her when she is expecting (and not a moment sooner!) so she'll know she's not alone. and neither are you.
homework: watch the passion (if you can bear the gore and emotion just now) and KNOW that you have NEVER suffered...and never will.

Englers said...

today whales everywhere blush with the compliment heidi. oh but they are so fortunate for you to compare yourself to one.

-de

Englers said...

oh wait... you didn't call yourself a whale... it was "the most gigantic and unattractive being ever to walk this earth." hmm.... wonder who you bumped off of that podium? pretty high on yourself to consider yourself worthy of such a lofty title. i think maybe you should do some research and see how you "measure up".

Danna said...

I have to agree with everybody on the whole mat leave thing...it will literally just fly by. Enjoy your "nesting" period. I too, clicked to enlarge the picture too and you don't have a puffy face...it's all baby...which is great! I know that you weren't fishing for compliments but you do look wonderful.