okay, here. now are you happy? no, that is not a giant inflatable pool toy attatched to my middle, that is my baby. and yes, i stayed in my pajamas for this one because they are comfy. josh laughed when he caught me putting a quick swipe of lipstick on before he shot this. you can't blame a girl for trying to look a little more human and a little less whale-like, can you? to be very very honest, (because that's what kind of a mood i'm in right now) i feel like the most gigantic and unattractive being ever to walk this earth. (and i am NOT fishing for compliments here. just sharing from my heart) i'm having a hard time with my body changing so drastically. i've already gained 40 lbs and still have at least 7 weeks to go. it's not that i'm terrified that i won't lose the weight, i guess it's just that i can't stand the way i look right now. and i know that it's all for my baby, the stretch marks and varicose veins and swollen ankles and cellulite that seems to go all the way down to my calves and puffy face....it's all for him somehow, but it kinda makes it hard to look in the mirror some days. i can be my own words of wisdom and tell myself things like, "but you are healthy and your baby is healthy and what more could you ask for?" and that is true. so i'm being selfish. so shoot me.
got an email from my mom this morning about the gargantuan snowfall that has engulfed my home town. she sent me pictures, one of my dad happily shoveling the driveway. as i stared at the pictures, i suddenly got this very unexpected wave of homesickness. i can remember the sound that the old wooden shovel makes as it's pushed along the length of the driveway. i can remember the hushed way the world gets when huge flakes come drifting down...it's as if the snow dampens the usual noises. i can remember watching the snow falling, dancing in the light of the streetlamp outside of our house. toboganning down the hill a block away. looking up at the sky and feeling the flakes land like wet little kisses all over my face. perhaps it wasn't homesickness i was experiencing, perhaps it was snowsickness. at any rate, i missed it badly enough to feel melancholy all the way to work.
we did have a wonderful thanksgiving, which we celebrated on saturday. had our traditional water balloon toss and played horseshoes at my parents in law's house. josh's aunt and uncle and cousins were there as well. good times had by all. today it rained and that made me smile.
only 2 weeks left of work... i am so ready to be done! christmas shoppers can be a little fanatical. with our extended holiday hours, i don't get home until past 11pm on the nights that i close. i just keep plodding along knowing that every day is one day closer to my last. people have told me that i'll be bored once i'm on maternity leave, but i really don't think i will be. it's christmas, for crying out loud! i am going to do christmas baking like my oven has never seen! oh yes, and i even have lofty plans of sending out christmas cards this year, perhaps even with a picture. i'll be able to cook my husband proper meals and wash and fold all of tristan's little clothes before he gets here. and let's not forget blogging! i refuse to be bored.