the pepper tree dance

about 15 minutes ago i was sitting on the couch with my boy, watching a little bit of a "baby praise" dvd, winding down before his nap. i was playing with his toes, which i was rewarded for with giggles, then i rested my chin on the top of his head and just breathed in his scent. i was instantly transported back to when he was just new, and his head was so tiny and dark and i used to smell the top of his head, believing that there had never been a sweeter scent. he no longer smells like baby, but the scent of little boy that he carries is just as sweet. over and over i look at him and think, "how is it that he is already a little boy?"

14 months have passed since i gave birth to him and at times, those 14 months seem like only a fleeting moment. of course, while living in those 14 months (especially the first 6 months) time felt like it sometimes stood still while i was waiting for him to "grow out" of his difficult stages.

when i look at him now, i could just cry with how much i love him. when he's asleep, there are times that i miss him! the world is opening up to him and he's beginning to make discoveries all on his own.

the other day we went for a walk to the grocery store. we took the long way, past the cows in the field (mommy said "mooooo" endlessly while tristan just stared at them with a bit of a frown on his face) and then past the little pond to feed the ducks swimming there. it was a warm, breezy day and i lifted tristan out of his stroller to let him walk for awhile on the sidewalk. thrilled at having a bit of freedom, he shouted with delight and began zig-zagging down the sidewalk, pausing freqently to look at a flower here, pick up a stone there. i was getting quite a bit ahead of him, so i called out "tristan!" and he came trotting towards me, eyes glowing, and fists full of rocks.

then something else caught his eye. it was the long, lacy leaves of a pepper tree hanging near the sidewalk with bright pink seeds tempting him to touch them. i stood there and watched and, just then, the breeze picked up and suddenly the branch of the tree began lifting up and down and the leaves all shook and quivered. tristan let go of the rocks he was holding and, very gently took hold of one of the leaves as if to say "may i have this dance?" and then he began bouncing his little bottom up and down, dancing with the tree! he looked at me and grinned so big and i just stood there, partly laughing, partly trying to swallow the lump in my throat because it was a moment so precious and i knew that it would be gone in an instant and i didn't want to forget any detail of it.

and so i am writing it down here, in an attempt to freeze time and, once my little boy is grown and no longer all mine, i'll be able to remember that there was a day when he was so full of childish innocence, that he saw a tree dancing and decided to join in.