Monday, March 31, 2008

the things they left behind

i've been a lazy blogger lately, mostly due to the fact that i haven't had much alone time on the computer. my son has decided that not only is 4:30am a fine and dandy time to wake up for good for the day, but also that he doesn't need to nap much more than an hour all day long. that leaves me with enough time to check my emails, throw the next load of laundry in, whip myself up something to eat, and inhale my food while cutting coupons for my next grocery trip. trust me, its super fun. anyhow, tonight i finally got my act together and got him into bed before 6pm and the little darling went to sleep ten times faster than he normally does when we keep him up later. baseball season has offically started, and my other darling (the not so little one) is watching the game downstairs, and i am so happy to be able to blog tonight. really, i am; i'm not being sarcastic at all. i've been looking forward to it.

as i've already written, my parents were here last week for their annual spring break visit. every year they drive down to oregon and spend a few nights in a seaside cottage there, then make their way down to san diego where we try and fit everything we want to do in one short week and desperately try not to think of saying goodbye again. this goodbye was harder for me than most. i'm not sure if its because i know that i won't be seeing them for another 5 months, or if it was just so nice to have them here that i really REALLY didn't want them to leave. at any rate, i allotted myself up to 3 days of funky sadness before i would have to snap out of it, and so far the snapping out of it part hasn't really been working that well. but it will. i've done this enough times to know.

my parents are the sort of houseguests who never arrive empty handed. since they drove down, they were able to stuff their little car with all sorts of happy treats for us. we got homemade raspberry and strawberry jam, ketchup chips, canadian chocolate bars, purdy's, the curtain rod from my old bedroom (our curtian rod was on its last legs and was seriously threatening to split in two), and enough reading material to last me....well, to last me for another few months! (by the way, i'm currently reading the book pictured called "the memory keepers daughter" by kim edwards and it is VERY good).

not only are my parents the sort of houseguests that bring us happy treats, but they are also the sort that help out wherever needed during their stay. my dad purchased and hung a clothesline for us in our backyard, which thrills me beyond belief. i feel so house-wife-ish whenever i hang our clothes out to dry. this was never really possible in our old house because we lived in such a dusty area, but our brand new "lawn" that the rain brought has kept the dust to a minimum, so i've been outside nearly every morning since, listening to the birds chirp away as i clip freshly washed clothes to the line. tristan is also a huge fan now that he's discovered he can play peekaboo behind the clothes. initially i was a tad concerned about the "softness factor" that would be lost when i quit using our electicity-hogging dryer, but, to be honest, i don't notice the roughness that much. and the scent of orange blossoms and lilac from the neighbors yard behind the fence seems to infuse itself into the linens, so that makes up for any lack of softness, in my books.

in order to keep our "lawn" from disappearing, they also bought us a sprinkler which i turn on every now and then to keep things green. my mom insisted on purchasing some gorgeous little flowers as well that we had fun planting one afternoon, all THREE of us. tristan took his job very seriously, scooping potting soil from the bag into the pots. i actually have that on video somewhere and will have to post it on his blog. my dad also spent nearly an hour one evening, painstakenly measuring, cutting, and taping aluminium foil to the inside of tristan's bedroom window. his room gets the hot afternoon sun beating down on it every single day and its so difficult to keep it dark and cool in there. we had layers upon layers of cardboard and blankets in his window in our meager attempts at blocking out the sun. layers no longer, my dad is a genius! tristan's room is now so dark that the other night i went to put him in his crib, but i couldn't find exactly where his crib was!

they also bought tristan his very first lawn chair that he's still working on getting himself into. he hasn't really figured out how to sit down in it without climbing in as if he's going upstairs, but he's beginning to get the hang of it. once he's in it, he sits there so proudly with his little feet dangling, smiling from ear to ear. he began saying the word "up" for the first time last week as well; my mom and i were at the playground with him and he was saying "uh, uh" whenever he wanted help going "up" the stairs. now he says it everytime we go upstairs.

we went to the wild animal park, wandered around seaport village, had dinner at a "real" mexican restaurant, as requested by my father (canada's mexican food really sucks), played mexican train, and had a fabulous easter sunday celebration at josh's folk's house with his family. tristan did a pretty good job finding easter eggs and the americans had their first taste of authentic mennonite paska.

the morning that they drove away, i was stoic until the door was closed behind them and then i turned to josh, buried my face in his chest and just cried and cried. in an ideal world, their little town in british columbia would be smack dab next to our little town in southern california. rather than tuesday morning phone calls, we would have tuesday morning coffees together in person. there would be no need to send countless pictures of tristan via email or write a detailed discription every week of all the new things he's doing. i wouldn't have to show tristan pictures of his grammie and grandad and aunties and uncles in hopes that he'll recognize their faces when he next sees them. i'm not complaining, only lamenting, and trust me when i say i don't allow myself to think on these things much because of the throbbing pain it brings. and yet, i have so many things to be thankful for in the life i lead here. i chose this life and if i had the choice all over again, i wouldn't change a thing. it is now time to snap out of this funky sadness, it is time to dry the tears from my eyes, to look forward to being reunited with my family in 5 more months, but also, more importantly, to enjoy and cherish every single day until then.


Sara said...


Lee said...

ohh, Heids. My heart feels your deep sadness. You have such an amazing family, and I am so glad that you got to have a good visit on your soil.
I miss you. Good post, and thanks, now I want a crunchie bar :}
Oh and I read that book a few months ago, and really loved it.

James Abrahams said...

I'm going to work on makin' a trip down there to visit. I just got the job with the city (start tomorrow), but I think I may be able to get a week or more off sometime, maybe. If not then I have time in October, fingers crossed.

Jennifer said...

I feel you dear.

Lori said...

I know it's not the same because I see my family every couple of months but I feel your pain, a little. My parents are leaving tomorrow and the next time I see them will be at the end of May and it kills me to think about it.

Dena said...

I'm sending big huggers your way. I'm so sorry. Jay and I had to make big changes this year with our finances. It was a blessing to be able to travel back and forth the first year, I think it made it easier. But now, things are really tight and I have no plans on the calendar till December. Ugh! Your parents are too cute and sweet.

Grandma J. said...

Ah Heidi, you forgot to mention the type of hosts you are - most welcoming, providing luscious food, fun trips, even though sometimes short, planned for everyday, a most entertaining little lad that kept us laughing and amazed at his zest for life, stimulating conversations, etc. Your weather was to die for, especially since we came home to SNOW (hey, isn't this spring?). I have shed a few tears reading this post, but we do have so much to be grateful for. Love you all dearly and miss you alot. XO

Lovella said...

read you post .. felt a little weepy.
read your mom's comments .. .feel a lot weepy.

Isn't it wonderful to have a family that you love so much?


Hotshot's Wife said...

I've learned to use a different word when leaving family. I have found that "See you later" is much easier to say than "Good-bye" To me....Good-bye is a permanent way to part. See you later is temporary and it keeps the feeling alive that soon you'll see them again.

Kathy said...

Ah - I know these feelings - as a daughter, a mom and a grandma. Not so good at goodbyes but really good at hellos!

Praise God, though, who love us so much it hurts.

Bless you Heidi,

Charlene said...

so many things to say!! well first Heidi I have to say 4:30 is not a fun time to have to wake up at. poor you:( An hour nap isn't much fun either---i know--i can't remember when Joshua's naps were longer than an hour..all the things i could do with more time(sigh)
Second, your books looked really interesting..i don't know if you know but i'm a book addict!!! I'm going to try and see if our library has some of those.

Third,that's tough having your parents so far away. mine have been gone for the past two years to Egypt, so i kind of know what you are going through. they will however be back in three months..yay..hopefully Joshua will get comfortable with them...i do the show pictures, videos etc thing too, hoping it will help ease the stranger anxiety thing, although Joshua is even scared of people he does know (sigh)!!

Ginny said...

Heidi, We just got home from "The Tundra" last night and this morning seems so quiet without little Garrett to start the day. We won't see them for 50 days this time and some times I can't imagine how I'm going to get through them. BUT, we are so thankful for the times that we do get to be with them. You are richly blessed to have such wonderful parents to miss so much.

running wildly said...

Aw, hugs hun. And lots of 'em.
We should chat on the phone and perhaps that will help take some of your funky sadness away. Here's hopin'.