Thursday, June 19, 2008

one of those days

lately, thursday has been a day that i very much look forward to. a few months ago, josh arrived home on a thursday to me basically giving him a hug and a peck, grabbing my purse and saying "i'm outta here." i just HAD to escape. it had been one of those days where i felt as if my toddler was a tumor attached to my leg. a very whiny, needy unsatisfiable tumor. so i drove through the mcdonald's drive thru and got myself a 99c ice cream cone, then found a nice shady parking spot and read a book while eating my ice cream. it was the most lovely 50 minutes i had spent in a very long time. when i got home, i realized that i had a bit of explaining to do to my dear husband, who wasn't sure whether i had left because i was upset with him and whether or not i was ever coming back. after i explained the reason behind my Very Necessary Departure, he made this brilliant suggestion: "hey, why don't you do this every thursday afternoon when i get home from work?" didn't have to think very long about my reply to that one.

its been awhile since we've had a normal week around here, so my special thursday outings haven't really happened lately. today, however, it WILL happen. because i so need it to. today has been one of those days.

its been one of those days where, at 4:30am, i'm rubbing the cobwebs from my eyes while carrying a very wide awake toddler downstairs so that he doesn't wake daddy up, all the while kicking myself for not going to bed at 8pm last night like i had planned. its been one of those days where my head, body and throat won't stop hurting, especially when my boy gets excited about something and lets out his ear piercing shriek that sounds like something a creature from a fantasy movie might make. its been one of those days where the diapers are filled with smelliness only minutes after they are changed, where cups of liquid are no longer safe on shelves that used to be out of reach, where couch cushions are baptized and laid out to dry, where sippy cups of milk suddenly decide to lose their "no spill" feature and drain out onto the carpet, and where pages from library books are torn into shreds.

by about 9am its really too hot to do much of anything outside, so i decided to walk to the little grocery store around the corner early. who knew that it only opened at 8am? 8am feels like midday to me. while waiting at the door of the store for it to open, i caught a glimpse of my reflection and was horrified to see that i had forgotten to put my contacts in this morning. i was wearing my ancient "granny glasses" that really aren't that bad except for the fact that they're completely missing an entire side. both lenses are intact and i have one arm over one ear, but the other arm was broken off months ago (bet you can't guess which charming little angel did the damage) and i've been so careful ever since not to be caught in public wearing them. until this morning, of course. i momentarily contemplated walking home and putting in my contacts and walking back, (yes, they embarrass me THAT much!) but i thought better of it and hurriedly grabbed what i needed, hoping that the cashier wouldn't notice that i was looking at her out of the corner of one eye in an attempt to hide my amputated eye wear.

on top of all this, i feel a little sad today. its funny that i find this difficult to admit, but i do still have sad days (doesn't everyone?) and today i just can't shake it completely. i'm looking forward to having myself a good cleansing cry later on. until then, i'm counting down the hours till josh gets home and checking to see if the couch cushions are dry yet.


Aimee said...

Heidi my heart is with you. Those days are so hard. They make great blog entries BUT you have to live it, and maybe tomorrow (or today after your break) they're laughable moments, but when they come at you one after another like that. Have your purse ready and your running shoes on!

Have a blessed break. You'll make it there!


Grandma J. said...

Awww Heidi, I hope things have improved for you as the day has continued on (can it get worse!?) But on the bright side - you gave me a wonderful bout of laughter just now and hopefully you will soon be able to laugh at the picture of you in that store window. Love you.

Kathy said...

Heidi, Those days are long ago for me but I remember the feelings quite well. How slow the hours crawled until Lando would come home and provide emotional and practical support along with making everything more fun. Funny - those hours went slow and the years went by at breakneck speed.

God Bless your moments, hours and years.

Lovella said...

I can so relate and remember well. My worst times were when the boys would fight and it never seemed to end. I also have sad days, I suppose I may have them from time to time but I well remember a nurse saying to me once. .. I promise you won't feel like this forever. It was so hard to believe back then but she was right. . .I had far less sad days and now I only feel it occasionally. I'm so glad you have a caring husband who gives you a break on Thursday afternoons.

running wildly said...

Oh my sweet girl. What a fabulous post. I enjoyed your entertaining rant so very much. I love the graphic description of your day including amputated eyewear and baptised cushions. Brilliant.

Yes, we all have days (and sometimes weeks) like that. Keep on keepin on, darlin'. Choke back that coffee. It always helps.

Janet said...

Awww! Unfortunately all mom's go through these days. I have these days often. You just try and make the best of it and pray that tomorrow will be better.

Hope to get back on track with walking next week, but this heat is horrible, coffee time will be ICED COFFEE for sure :)

Thoughts on Life and Millinery. said...

Just getting up at 4:30 am is enough to make anyone feel sad later, it is a body cycle thing. Darn body cycles!
I'll bet you are counting the days until you can head north to the land of cool and green, where instead of saying "dude" at the beginning of a sentence, they say "eh?" at the end of their sentences.

Please say Hi to Chris for me when she gets back from her travels. See if you can arrange to deliver that message on a Thursday when she is not working...and you can TREAT her to a whole day alone with her grandson (stop being so selfish with that tyke..grannie misses him!) while you go RELAX all day long...then return, get T., run home, act burdened, hand T. off when J. gets home, and head out for MORE relaxing...

Oh yes...plot and plan. You MUST deliver my message IN PERSON on a Thursday morning!

Jenn & Wade said...

Yeah for getting out and taking some time for you....I believe all moms need it or we will go insane! As your children get older it gets easier, I think the hardest stage for me is 1 and under (and potty training) it WILL get better!