Wednesday, November 10, 2010

these are the moments

first of all, i just have to vent a little bit about this ridiculous time change. we had a really good thing going and, since sunday, we no longer do. even though i tried to gradually move the boys to the new time, we still had tristan waking up for the day at 3:45am and now samuel isn't seeming tired enough for his nap time or bed time (more likely he is beyond tired and is in the middle of his second wind), so now my nice, neat little routine that i adored and felt so secure in has become smashed to smithereens and i feel a wee bit lost. i've said this before and i'll say it again: i had no idea how much of a control freak and lover of predictability i was till i had kids! and as much as it annoys me about myself, i'm pretty sure it annoys my poor husband even more. ever heard of the term, "just go with the flow"? well yeah, it sounds great in theory even to me, but i find it nearly impossible to do.

okay, vent over and moving on... yesterday tristan and i were having fun looking at pictures and videos on the computer from last year. i opened the september '09 folder and let tristan scroll through to his heart's content. he didn't recognize his 3 month old brother at first, but he sure recognized himself. he kept asking about the shirts he was wearing in the photos, wondering why they aren't hanging in his closet anymore and if they got lost. i kept explaining to him that he is bigger now and has grown out of all those clothes, but every time he'd come to a picture where he was wearing a different shirt, he'd ask the same question. anyhow, once we started watching the videos from that month, i became awestruck. there is samuel, all bobble-headed and drooling away and there is tristan running around and talking here and there and i seriously couldn't understand a word the kid was saying! i was thankful when the me-in-the-video would translate for the camera because i hadn't a clue. and this was my own kid! the strangest thing was that, though i have vague memories of that time... wiping spit up, holding an infant, potty training tristan.... i don't really remember it. at least not as clearly as in the videos. it hit me then that there are not only moments that can escape our memory; there are literal weeks and months and perhaps years where we'll go on living for all of that time, but barely have any memory of it at all down the road. its sort of sad, yet inspiring at the same time.

so, after samuel woke up from his nap in the afternoon, i got the camera out and began recording the boys. they weren't doing anything special, just being themselves: samuel signing away like a little deaf boy, tristan pretending to fight a snake, then a shark, then a pirate, both of them tumbling around on the bed, on each other, on me, like adorable little puppies. i wanted to capture the way samuel tries to jump, but can't quite get his feet off the ground and the way tristan still hasn't mastered saying his "L's" yet ("wets all go wook for a powar bear!"). then, when josh came home, i made sure to sit in the backyard and capture the 3 of them playing together and how much the boys adore time with their daddy.

i know that even though these little moments are a part of my normal, every day life right now, in a year's time i won't be able to recollect much of it unless i look back on pictures and videos. and yet there are times when i find myself stuck behind the lens of my camera, trying to take the perfect photo instead of just living in and enjoying the moment. there is a fine balance between these two things and i am hopeful that one day soon i'll be able to master it. for now, i'm going to keep focusing on savoring my little men every day, but i'll be sure to do so with my camera in my pocket, for easy access.


Julie said...

I was working on photo albums this week and had the same type of, wow, I cant remember when this or this happened or in awe of how much the kids change in a short time. I do have to say this time change is much less hell like than the past couple of years because of you dear friend telling me about the wonderous night light! I would pay a hundred dollars for a new one if this one broke. Sorry that its been terrible for you. Hope the boys get adjusted soon, but if they're anything like my early bird they wont.

kelly ens said...

sorry about the struggles with the time change. it's hard normally but with your early risers, i really feel for you!
videos/pictures are wonderful things. i don't think i have a shortage of pictures of either of our kids, but i know that i have taken much less videos of ezra, so I'm trying to make a point of taking more of those. unfortunately our memory fades, but those videos are great reminders of special (or normal/everyday) moments of early motherhood :)

Fiona said...

A few weeks ago at church Liam and a friend of his were playing and being cute so I pulled my camera out of my purse to take a picture for myself and the little girl's parents... another mother who was chatting with us commented on how amazing it was that I was prepared with my camera, which is true (the prepared part, I dont think its amazing) I always have it in my bag just in case I need to capture something, and not even a Liam moment, it could just be something funny on the street or at the park, or a friend. Anyway the point is, I love taking photos, and going back to look at them. Some of them aren't exactly good photos because someone is making a bad face or there is something wierd in the background, but thats life and its more about capturing a moment sometimes than the perfect shot. I love looking back at photos of my childhood and I want to have lots for my kids to look back at one day (and to blackmail them with... haha!)

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