Tuesday, March 01, 2011

the wait is almost over

tomorrow is the big day: the ultrasound. its kind of felt like its taken forever to get here and even the thought of waiting until 10am tomorrow seems like a whole bunch more of forever. yes i'm excited, but i'm nervous as well. we've had 2 perfectly healthy little babies already and it almost seems like too much to ask to have a 3rd healthy baby. i'm also hoping and praying that the placenta has moved upwards like it was supposed to so that i can resume my normal activities....like picking up laundry baskets and large bags of groceries.

and then, of course, is the anticipation of finding out the gender. people ask me what i "feel" like i'm having. i'll be honest with you: i feel like i'm having a girl. BUT, i also "felt like" i was having a girl in my last 2 pregnancies. i think its more wishful thinking than anything. when we found out that tristan was a boy, i was shocked and, at first, a little disappointed. obviously, i got over that and wouldn't trade him in for the world, but i always knew i wanted to have a daughter and i thought that it'd be ideal to just have a daughter first and get that out of the way. when we found out that samuel was a boy, i was purely thrilled. i was so happy that tristan would have a playmate and i knew that they would be best buds.

this time around i know for sure that this will be our last child. (finally, josh and i agree on this issue!) so i feel like that changes things a little bit. having a boy would be very economical ~we have everything we need for a boy. we'd have a lot of room-sharing options in the future and josh and i wouldn't have to foot the bill for an entire wedding. it seems simpler somehow to have 3 kids of the same gender. but, to have a daughter..... i'm not even going to try to put into words what it would mean to me to find out that we're expecting a girl. i just try not to go there in my mind at all because i'd hate to have any feelings of disappointment if we discover that we will never have a little girl. i purposely avoid looking at the adorable racks of baby girl clothing in stores and when i find myself day dreaming about decorating the nursery with flowers and butterflies, i give myself a talking to and try to clear my mind.

i'll tell you this, though: i have not had one single person tell me that they think i'm going to have a boy. even my father in law, who was so adamant that i was carrying boys with my last 2 pregnancies, slipped up the other day and called the baby a "she". in every single dream i've had about the baby, its been a girl. tristan has such vivid dreams about his "baby sister named bodie" that he'll tell me that he visited us in the hospital and baby bodie had a pink blanket on. does this mean anything? i don't believe so. i still know that there is a 50% chance that we are having a girl, and a 50% chance that we are having a boy. i'm telling myself as often as possible that i may very well be a mother to 3 boys and that i had better get used to that idea quite quickly.

no matter what, i am very much looking forward to getting to see our little one on the screen, to hear the heartbeat and watch the movements that i can so clearly feel in my tummy. i'm praying for a healthy, whole little babe and the rest? that's just icing on the cake.


Anonymous said...

I can't wait to hear the news!!


lil said...

Yes, you'll be blessed whatever the gender, but I think this was good for you to write out what you're feeling!!!
God bless your little one!

Amy@Sassy Scarlett said...

I can't wait to hear what your having!

Sarah D said...

I'm so excited to hear Heidi!!! Praying you have a healthy bun above all :)

Elaine said...

You better send out some news blasts tomorrow! Praying pink:)

kelly ens said...

will be thinking about you tomorrow...can't wait to hear your exciting news! :)

Z-Mama said...

Ahhh! I am so excited for you guys...its like Christmas Eve, isn't it!?! I will be checking in for an update probably hourly! Also, I wanted to tell you I had a funny dream the other night. I dreamt that you and my SIL had your babies on the same day and that you had a little girl and you named her Victory...ha ha!!! She was super chubby with a head of wild black hair and a patch of hot pink in the front. Oh my gosh, I wish I could tell you in person...it was pretty silly!

Grandma J. said...

Praying for you today sweety. I even had difficulty getting a full night's sleep, thinking of this exciting mystery soon to be solved. Praying for pure joy to fill your heart today. Love to all of you. XO

Anonymous said...

Hi Sweetheart,
We had four, one of each ....... temperment. And each a wonder to behold. Still amazed.
Love and Prayers,

Jennifer said...

I like Z mama's dream. Dreams can totally be significant, but confusing.
Better to just do your best as you are.
Do you find that get what you get? Or do you get what you need whether you know it at the time or not?
Better to pray for health and temperment first before gender anyways my dear.

Melissa said...

Looking forward to hearing the news!!!