this blog

 this blog used to be so much more than it is now. i can remember writing and nervously hitting the "publish" button on my first post over 8 years ago and eagerly checking for new comments a million times that day. i can remember friends and family from far away catching up on my life via this blog, before we had even heard the word "facebook".

i can remember excitedly sharing the news that we were expecting our first little one, posting baby bump photos and counting down the days till my due date. i can still remember so vividly pleading for advice from my blog readers on what to do for my baby who would simply not stop crying.

even when facebook happened, my blog was still a necessary way for me to document the goings on in our growing family; it became a baby book of sorts with milestones and cute things the kids said all tidily recorded onto these virtual pages for safekeeping....and for the enjoyment of friends and family.

i'm not sure what exactly happened to change all of that. i do know that life with 3 children is crazy and that the term "free time" is almost something to be laughed at. i know that going onto pinterest uses much less brain power than writing a blog post. and i know that the words my dear friend jessica wrote recently in her own blog resonated with me something fierce: when blogging sucks

you see, i always wanted my blog to be a place where i could be as openly and honestly vulnerable as i wanted to be without having to worry about whether others would think i was being a good enough mom. i wanted to be able to share our glorious, happiest little moments without stopping to think that i may be painting too rosy a picture of our very imperfect life.

all the while i was sorting these things out in my mind, my blog was collecting more and more dust until it seemed pointless to even continue writing. still, it made me sad to think of all the cute things my kids were saying that i'd never remember with this feeble brain of mine, or monumental occurances in our family's history (like tristan breaking his right arm in february) that would never be properly written down.

i still don't have it all figured out. i don't have a goal of how many times i plan to blog in a week. i don't know how i'll manage to walk the fine line between complaining too much and making my life look gaggingly perfect. (and yes, i realize that gaggingly is not a real word, but it works, so i'm not going to change it).

what i do know is that i only have this one life, i only have these 3 little children for a short time, and i want to start filling this empty space up again. i want to post way too many photos of my ava's pigtailed head from behind without apology that i take more pictures of her than of both my boys combined.

i want to share how my boys were so completely enamored with peter pan for awhile that they'd practice making their shadows look just like his.

i want to show you how gorgeous my jasmine vine was this spring even if you don't care at all about flowers or gardening because i do and i love to see how its grown year by year.

i want to tell you about my sam, who is still a small boy with the darkest, longest eyelashes you have ever seen, and who has the most giving heart.

i want to look back on my own stories and pictures and sigh wistfully yet happily, remembering the happy times, glad that the difficult times are over.

i want to see the world through a blogger's eyes again, knowing when something would make a great story and when a picture would be a perfect fit.

and so, if you don't mind adding my blog once again to your list of those you read, i'd love to have you back.

after all, the writing and recording is only half the fun; seeing that i've got new comments on my post still makes me slightly giddy.