under normal circumstances, my shower time occurs once my husband arrives home from work. for some reason, i have been unsuccesful in taking a nice, leisurly shower while my baby is asleep. i feel as if he will need me the moment i am fully soaped up and i just think it's worth the wait to be able to enjoy some quiet free time to myself. this morning, however, circumstances changed. tristan had been fed and changed and we were having a little cuddle in the rocking chair while lullabies played softly in his room. i was telling him about all of the fun things we'd do once grandma and grandad arrived, when suddenly he decided that not all of the contents of his stomach were to his liking. under normal circumstances, i am always ready for a little spit up with a burp cloth draped over my shoulder. but, as i said before, circumstances were not normal this morning. i found, to my horror that my hair was draped over my shoulder instead of the burp cloth. lovely chunks of cottage-cheese looking partially digested milk decorated a large portion of my hair and spilled all the way down my arm, onto my leg. keeping my voice low so as not to disturb the culprit, i dabbed at my hair as best as i could and set my little darling down into his crib for nap time.
what to do? obviously i could not walk around all day with dried spit up in my hair, giving me a lingering scent every time i turned my head. the fact of the matter was i had to have a shower, simple as that. i took all of the precautions necessary for such a feat. i waited a full 10 minutes to make sure that tristan was settled and on his way to dreamland. i brought the baby monitor into the bathroom with me and turned it all the way up to it's maximum volume level. then i hurredly rushed into the shower and began to wash up. right around the time that my conditioner had been applied, i realized that i hadn't heard a peep from him at all. perhaps all of this rushing wasn't necessary; perhaps i could take my time. maybe i could actually...shave my legs!! oh, but that would be too much. i hemmed and hawed and, still hearing no peep from the monitor, i lathered up my right leg, feeling quite liberated. i was just beginning to navigate the razor around the tricky part of my ankle when i heard an ear piercing sound emit from the monitor. i didn't even bother to grab a towel, i just ran, dripping wet, through the house as thoughts crowded into my brain: is he wheezing because he's suffocating under a blanket? is he in severe pain due to trapped gas? has he been crying for some time, but i haven't been able to hear him due to the water running? i reached his crib and peeked over the edge, careful not to drip on him. he was fast asleep...didn't even bat an eye. feeling a little foolish, i walked back to the shower, breathing a sigh of relief that all of the shades were still drawn over the windows, allowing nobody to see my little exhibition.
back in the shower, i decided against shaving the other leg. enough decadence for one day. and i vowed never to turn that blasted baby monitor's volume all the way up ever again.