friday morning i openend the fridge to get the milk out for my cereal and my heart sank. there was just enough milk for my cereal and that's it. which meant that i would have to haul myself and my son out to the grocery store. this may not sound like a big deal, but tristan likes to be That Kid in the store who wails inconsolably, disturbing everyone within earshot. he refuses to sleep in his carseat, so anytime i need to do errands, i do so at lightning speed before his over-tiredness causes a major outburst. as i was writing out my grocery list, the phone rang and whaddayaknow...it was my sweet mom in law telling me that she was free all day and could she do anything to help me? i gratefully accepted her offer, thrilled not only to be able to do groceries in peace, but to be able to Get Out of the House!!! hooray! not only that, but she gave me her starbucks giftcard to buy myself a coffee as well. i tell you, i took my time down each aisle, sipping my mocha, feeling oh so posh! and when i came home, tristan had been played with, changed and was sleeping soundly in his crib. amazing how an hour doing groceries alone has become such a treat.
that evening, i left tristan home with his daddy and drove off alone yet again, to my friend j'lene's house. she makes amazing jewelry out of gourds and was having a show at her place. i rolled down the windows, cranked the music, and felt free as a bird. 2 hours later i arrived back home only to discover that tristan had cried the ENTIRE time i was gone and had only just fallen asleep. josh wasted no time in making himself a bloody mary as he relayed the evening's events to me. i felt bad for him, i really did, but mostly i was secretly worried that he would think twice before allowing me to go off alone again.
sunday afternoon i went to a baby shower for my previously mentioned friend, j'lene. she is expecting a little girl in may and a cuter pregnant woman you could never find. the whole bowling ball on a stick thing? that is her to a t. anyhow, since josh had such a rough evening on friday, i told him that i'd bring tristan along with me to the shower. the bummer of it all was that i had to wake tristan from his nap just to bring him to church that morning, and as the time to leave for the shower drew near, it looked as if i'd have to wake him up from another nap. i really REALLY hate waking him up early like that. well, my dear husband, sensing my distress told me to leave tristan with him yet again. and so i did and had such a lovely time at the shower, chatting with my friends, eating the delicious cake that zandra and sara had made, watching j'lene open a million cute little pink things. and yet, as the clock ticked on, i felt a growing unease in my stomach. i called to check up on tristan and josh said he was doing great. still, that feeling would not go away. finally i couldn't take it anymore...i left the shower early and drove home, all the while consumed with the feeling of Missing My Baby!
i came in the house, and gave josh hugs and kisses and thank you's. when tristan woke up an hour later, i burst into his room and when he looked up at me with the biggest smile on his face, that feeling completely melted away. we cuddled and played to our hearts content. i felt like i just couldn't get enough of him. i almost felt disappointed when it was time for his next nap! as awesome as it felt to be able to get away alone, it felt even better to come home and be with my baby again.
i was reflecting on this this morning, just amazed that such a great kind of love could be felt for someone so small and, at times, so difficult. people say that the love you have for your children is so powerful, but i really had no idea what that meant until tristan was born. it now makes so much more sense to me why God calls us His children. the kind of unconditional love i feel for my son has nothing on the perfect love our Heavenly Father has for us. that just blows my mind.