Tuesday, May 15, 2007

my first mother's day

well, to be honest, this is really my second mother's day. a year ago josh and i had just found out that we were expecting, but we weren't telling people yet. having a baby outside of your body instead of inside is a whole different ball game, though, so i'm going to call this my first offical mother's day. the mug was from my mom. on the inside, it reads "nurturing" which describes her perfectly, and which i hope will eventually describe me as well. the bracelet was carefully made by my darling niece, kaylee, who added the green bead especially for me. the nail and foot file was from my mom in law...they are extra pretty and work better than any files i've used. the poppies are just something i picked on a walk down our street yesterday. they are in full bloom everywhere! josh not only washed my car, but is also going to dig up some grass next to our house and put a flower garden in for me! i'm excited to go to the nursery with him and pick out the plants.
being a mom...wow. sometimes i still can't quite believe that i am one. i don't feel qualified enough or something. it's the hardest thing i've ever done, but it's so full of moments that take my breath away. in the past 4 months i have learned so many things:
~i've discovered that a hot meal is hard to come by, so i now eat my food as hurridly as possible.
~i now know the heavenly feeling of looking down at my nursing babe, watching his brows knit together in concentration, then...seeing me watching, he pauses to give me a generous smile with milk in the corners of his mouth.
~i've learned that even my baby cries. a lot. and sometimes there's nothing left to do but just hold him close.
~i understand the appreciation of every little feature: ears as delicate as seashells, the tiny dimples on every knuckle of his chubby hands, a belly button that just begs to be kissed, the whorl of hair on the back of his little head.
~i've figured out why people talk about their kids so much. it seems tristan is the only thing worth talking about anymore.
~i've found that no matter how awful the night has been, and no matter how sleep deprived i may feel, when his little face smiles up at me from his crib in the morning, my frustrations temporarily melt away as our joy at seeing each other takes over.
to be honest, motherhood sort of took me by surprise with its intensity and responsibility. i've had a rough go of it so far. i know i've only just begun and i have a long ways yet to go. and i'm so grateful for those of you who have cheered me on so far. thank you.
and now i'm NOT going to "gotta run because my baby is crying". he is fast asleep, so i'm going to go and hang out with my amazing husband. :)


Lee said...

sweet post heids, you have such a way with words...

Anonymous said...

happy belated mothers day! lovely post. :)


Jennifer said...

1~ ahhem...you didn't post a pic of the one I sent you...ages ago...the figurine. Remember I said it was your early mother's day present.

2~ please print out that 'what I've learned part' and frame it and put it in his room.

3~ it made me smile when you said you weren't saying 'gotta go, baby crying'

4~ keep up the good work

5~ much love

heidi said...

oh yes, and i must add that i also got a beautiful willow tree figurine from my dear cousin jennifer of a mother holding her baby...(she sent it to me "ages ago" which is why i forgot to mention it) and also, tristan gave me a gift as well...a lovely hour and 45 minute nap!

Danna said...

I really enjoyed your post, Heidi!

Sarafina said...

Happy belated Mother's Day Heidi!
Children are such a blessing, aren't they? It's amazing. And they teach us so many hard things at the same time...hope you have a great day and another long napper today!

Sorlil said...

Happy Mother's Day - how special isn't it!

Sarah said...

Those nail files are awesome! I have one and it will never go dull, ever!
Happy Belated Mother's Day :)

Christina said...

O I do luv ur posts. I read them with a mixture of happy anticipation of motherhood and terrible foreboding...
Happy 1st mother's day!