Tuesday, May 25, 2010

an explanation of sorts




its been 10 days. TEN whole days since i last blogged. really, that is pathetic and it concerns me a little. the truth is, i miss blogging. there are so many moments in a day where i still think "oh, that would make a great post!" (i think every blogger has these thoughts all the time) but those posts never seem to make it onto the computer and then they are quickly forgotten in the mess and muddle of my brain (which seems to be made of quicksand, the way i forget and lose track of things these days). sitting down and writing out bits of my life, whether coherent or not is like therapy for me. and then having my readers respond is so incredibly encouraging. i cannot tell you the amount of times where i am shocked to see comments on my posts, barely believing that people still care to read my blog because i have become such a bad blogger.

the problem is, my kids seem to be at two of the most difficult ages i have yet encountered. tristan is definitely 3. i love that he is 3 because i finally get to see how his little brain works and he just cracks me up. we have the best conversations and he understands so many things and he remembers so many things (which can be a bit scary). the other day he told me, "my hiccups are saying tweet tweet like a birdie, mommy." i doubt he'll think like that at the ripe old age of 4. i am thoroughly enjoying all of his sweet moments, but ohgoodheavens is that boy ever a challenge. he cries at the drop of a hat if we tell him "no" or he doesn't get his way. he tells us "no" all the time now, which is something he knows never to do. he switches from being an independent big brother to wanting to be a baby just like that....one moment he is upset at me for helping him with his shoes because he wanted to put them on himself, while the next moment he is having a conniption fit because he needs help washing his hands, which is something he knows how to do on his own. to top it all off, he's been having small accidents in his undies just because he waits until the last minute to use the potty. i feel like he is either constantly in time-outs, or on the verge of one and that makes me sad because when he is behaving, he is really such a joy to be around.

then there is samuel. where in the world do i start with him? he will be 1 in a couple of weeks (fastest year of my entire life, by the way) and i have no clue why, but i'm sort of holding out hope that 1 will be his magic number in terms of sleeping through the night.( i had never heard of children not sleeping through the night by the age of 1, but now i know they are out there). that is an entire issue that i don't think i want to get into right now, but i believe that is what is making a lot of his daytime antics more difficult to bear. he is into EVERYTHING! and i mean everything. and it keeps getting worse because he keeps becoming more clever and taller and his reach is extending and i think its a wonder that he hasn't poisoned or fatally wounded himself thus far. he climbs up stairs and then tumbles down them, he swishes his hands in the toilet and then sucks on them, he grabs handfuls of dirt from potted plants and shoves it into his mouth before i can grab him, he falls face first into the wading pool, takes a mighty breath once i rescue him from it, then goes right back to leaning half his body into it. he is also our resident rodent. we find chewed holes in cardboard cereal boxes, dvd cases, tristan's toys... every single item that he can get his hands on goes straight into his mouth and then gets chewed and often swallowed. i have literally found pieces of magazine ads in his diaper, the print still legible. this child of mine has absolutely no concept of sitting quietly and playing with toys. he couldn't care less about his toys, it is only the things he isn't supposed to be getting into that he is interested in.

and so, between the two of them, i only have a few treasured spare moments to myself. nap time for the baby is my special one-on-one time with tristan and also the only time of day that i can get anything done, housework wise. once josh gets home i'm busy making dinner and eating dinner and bathing the kids and getting them to bed and then, once the house is blessedly quiet, we both breathe deep sighs and enjoy the last couple hours of our day together. the opportunity to blog only comes around once in awhile when josh goes out in the evening. sure, i could blog while he is at home, but i know how vital our sacred "alone time" is to our marriage and i wouldn't want to sacrifice that; it is the best part of my day.

so there it is, the reasons behind my lack of blogging as well as a sort of update. when things get easier i hope to write more because i do miss it so much.


21 comments:

Kari said...

Sorry things are rough right now, Heidi. I SO hope that Samuel starts sleeping through the night soon. I cannot imagine! But, I can relate to the baby getting into EVERYTHING! I will be thinking of you lots! Hugs! Enjoy those hours with your hubby at night.

Jodi said...

Heidi....I am certain that you just described my life to a tee! Our boys are both only a couple of weeks apart so I understand what you are going through. Just remember to hide in the bathroom when you need to :)

Jodi said...

Heidi....I am certain that you just described my life to a tee! Our boys are both only a couple of weeks apart so I understand what you are going through. Just remember to hide in the bathroom when you need to :)

kelly ens said...

yes, being a young mom is a LOT of work, and you are doing great at it. i commend you for protecting that precious time with your hubby, and taking time with your boys when you have it. stay positive and cling to those sweet moments with your boys, when they're being less than sweet ;)
ps. Taeya didn't sleep through the night consistently until 22 months. i don't want that to be something to worry you, but to reassure you that yes, those kids are out there! :)

Sarafina said...

I don't know Heidi, I think if it's only been 10 days since your last post, that's pretty good!!
I totally agree with you, these years are all-consuming and so crazy...it's important to take advantage of the quiet times to replenish yourself and your marriage. Good for you. It also helps us, your readers, know that we're not alone in our daily struggles when you blog about them!!

Shannon said...

time does fly. Amazing how things can be so busy, so slow and yet crazy at the same time.

I love the picture though. :)

Julie said...

I for one LOVE your blog and always smile when I see you have posted something... NONE of my three kids have slept through the night before they were one if that makes you feel better. It seems like when I stop nursing (I think its a comfort thing) they start sleeping through the night soon after that. Hopefully that will happen for you. As for Samuel getting into everything, Im sorry but that made me laugh... Not fun for you Im sure (especially the magazine piece in his diaper). Three is my least favorite age. I didnt enjoy it a whole lot with my first and havent enjoyed it a lot with my second (of course I love them and enjoy them, just more of a challenge) four is a really good age. Hang in there, and do protect that time with your hubby, thats why I go to bed so stinkin late, to enjoy a little one on one time with my man.

Lovella ♥ said...

OH girl ..I am one of those that am happy to see a new post from you. It doesn't matter what you talk about .. you write well. .and I can hear you when you talk. .and I think you are an awesome mom .. and wife.. . and I'm looking forward to following your journey. .you have so many more years to write . .just think about it. I'm so excited for you...hang in there.

Claire said...

I hear ya sister! :) hear ya!

Grandma J. said...

See? I get up early in the morning just to see if you have posted a new blog! No pressure though - with your Busy mommy life, I can't even imagine you getting to the computer and posting as often as you do. Hoping things get easier for you soon. XO
PS Maybe 4 will be your new favorite age.

Julene said...

It is just so good to hear that other Moms go through the same rig-a-ma-roll as I ;-) Thank you for your honesty ... and for giving me a really good laugh at your clear description of your 2nd son :-)

thedycks said...

Oh Heidi, you just summed up my life these days too. I to don't understand why my one year old still can't sleep through the night, or why my 3 year old puts his finger up his nose and my one year old just breaks into laughter, I admit it's funny but should I allow my 3 year old to put his finger in his nose?? It's good to know other moms have the same issues, thanks for sharing, and I look forward to age 4, I'm curious to see how much better that age is.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for writing! I am one of those that also smiles when I see that you have posted. I usually see this on Lovella's feed of friends. I admire you girls who still make time to post every once in a while... I don't have kids yet, but can only imagine how hard this can be. Just from your posts where you share your heart, it is clear that you are an incredible mom. I am so encouraged by your perseverance...and commitment to your boys and your husband. Do hang in there! --Amber

running wildly said...

Giggling at your description of Samuel.........

Oh, and for the record. I'm still in the Camp of "NOT sleeping through the night yet either."

Anonymous said...

Hi Sweetheart, thanks for the toilet bowl humour. The boys are so different and so great. I continually think, What will they become? I never thought that with you kids but now I gaze that way often. Perhaps since I don't often walk the trail with them I see the way from a distance, like viewing from Google earth and seeing the forest and hills and mountains that the trail is headed through. Great kids, great couple, hmmmm, maybe eventually have some more some time?

Love Dad.

Thoughts on Life and Millinery. said...

Sounds like you have your priorities straight: family life before blogging!

As for "wee" accidents: I found that little boys tend to put of potty runs until the last possible moment, and when a gang of three and four (and yes, even five year olds) boys are visiting, I used to have a string of undies drying on the line, and all the boys in undies borrowed from Jeff.

All us boy mothers had the same experience, none of us had that scenario with our girls. Go figure.

Anneliese said...

Heidi...we all love to read what you write ... but being a mom takes lots of energy and time right now.. so don't worry about how long it's been... you are keeping your priorities straight ... take pictures ... they will remind you later of the stories behind them... this season will soon pass...

Christy B said...

I have no words of wisdom, but I feel the same way in terms of blogging ideas. Actually, seeing I don't blog, they are FB status updates that float around in my head, but rarely get into the computer. To add to what others have said, I LOVE reading your posts. I got caught up (still trying to, actually) on FB, etc. today and saw that you had a new post - woo hoo! :) Always love to get a bit of news from you.

If you are wanting a, at-least-it's-not-as-bad-as-them-story...my cousin in Utah has 4 young children, husband got snipped, gave all their baby stuff away, and just found out #5 is on the way, AND...ALL the kids are HORRIBLE sleepers.

Take care my friend. I am hoping and praying for brighter days ahead for you!

Christy

Jodi said...

My husband and I have been dealing with the TRYING THREES (which are much worse than the terrible twos) but, I am so happy to say, that after a couple months of a LOT of times outs, leaving the playgroud early, early to bath (etc etc) things are starting to calm down... We found that empty threats are the VERY WORST thing you can do, because at this age they are all about learning their boundaries and testing you. Once they are very aware that mommy means business it seems to get easier :)

The biggest struggle is feeling like the younger one gets punished when the older is being bad (like leaving the park early) however its worth it in the long run :)

Charlene said...

loved the post Heidi, especially your description of Samuel. Joshua was exactly like him. We had all these toys and he NEVER EVER played with them. And Joshua didn't sleep through the night until he was 1 and it looks like Micah is heading in that direction too, as he still wakes up once a night and he is nine months tommorrow.

Jennifer said...

Carmyn chewed through the crib.

I think you are doing a great job taking care of those 3 boys as well as yourself.

A great post once in a while is better than fluff and nothing all the time. The pressure is on. (me)