Tuesday, May 25, 2010
an explanation of sorts
its been 10 days. TEN whole days since i last blogged. really, that is pathetic and it concerns me a little. the truth is, i miss blogging. there are so many moments in a day where i still think "oh, that would make a great post!" (i think every blogger has these thoughts all the time) but those posts never seem to make it onto the computer and then they are quickly forgotten in the mess and muddle of my brain (which seems to be made of quicksand, the way i forget and lose track of things these days). sitting down and writing out bits of my life, whether coherent or not is like therapy for me. and then having my readers respond is so incredibly encouraging. i cannot tell you the amount of times where i am shocked to see comments on my posts, barely believing that people still care to read my blog because i have become such a bad blogger.
the problem is, my kids seem to be at two of the most difficult ages i have yet encountered. tristan is definitely 3. i love that he is 3 because i finally get to see how his little brain works and he just cracks me up. we have the best conversations and he understands so many things and he remembers so many things (which can be a bit scary). the other day he told me, "my hiccups are saying tweet tweet like a birdie, mommy." i doubt he'll think like that at the ripe old age of 4. i am thoroughly enjoying all of his sweet moments, but ohgoodheavens is that boy ever a challenge. he cries at the drop of a hat if we tell him "no" or he doesn't get his way. he tells us "no" all the time now, which is something he knows never to do. he switches from being an independent big brother to wanting to be a baby just like that....one moment he is upset at me for helping him with his shoes because he wanted to put them on himself, while the next moment he is having a conniption fit because he needs help washing his hands, which is something he knows how to do on his own. to top it all off, he's been having small accidents in his undies just because he waits until the last minute to use the potty. i feel like he is either constantly in time-outs, or on the verge of one and that makes me sad because when he is behaving, he is really such a joy to be around.
then there is samuel. where in the world do i start with him? he will be 1 in a couple of weeks (fastest year of my entire life, by the way) and i have no clue why, but i'm sort of holding out hope that 1 will be his magic number in terms of sleeping through the night.( i had never heard of children not sleeping through the night by the age of 1, but now i know they are out there). that is an entire issue that i don't think i want to get into right now, but i believe that is what is making a lot of his daytime antics more difficult to bear. he is into EVERYTHING! and i mean everything. and it keeps getting worse because he keeps becoming more clever and taller and his reach is extending and i think its a wonder that he hasn't poisoned or fatally wounded himself thus far. he climbs up stairs and then tumbles down them, he swishes his hands in the toilet and then sucks on them, he grabs handfuls of dirt from potted plants and shoves it into his mouth before i can grab him, he falls face first into the wading pool, takes a mighty breath once i rescue him from it, then goes right back to leaning half his body into it. he is also our resident rodent. we find chewed holes in cardboard cereal boxes, dvd cases, tristan's toys... every single item that he can get his hands on goes straight into his mouth and then gets chewed and often swallowed. i have literally found pieces of magazine ads in his diaper, the print still legible. this child of mine has absolutely no concept of sitting quietly and playing with toys. he couldn't care less about his toys, it is only the things he isn't supposed to be getting into that he is interested in.
and so, between the two of them, i only have a few treasured spare moments to myself. nap time for the baby is my special one-on-one time with tristan and also the only time of day that i can get anything done, housework wise. once josh gets home i'm busy making dinner and eating dinner and bathing the kids and getting them to bed and then, once the house is blessedly quiet, we both breathe deep sighs and enjoy the last couple hours of our day together. the opportunity to blog only comes around once in awhile when josh goes out in the evening. sure, i could blog while he is at home, but i know how vital our sacred "alone time" is to our marriage and i wouldn't want to sacrifice that; it is the best part of my day.
so there it is, the reasons behind my lack of blogging as well as a sort of update. when things get easier i hope to write more because i do miss it so much.