Saturday, December 04, 2010

the details

first of all, i have to say thank you for all of your congratulations comments.

yes, this whole announcement is early. super early if you're one of those people who wait until 12 weeks to share that you're expecting. i've never been able to wait 12 weeks (i think i usually shared on this blog after 7 or 8 weeks) but 5 weeks? well, the plan was to wait until christmas to let everyone know. but of course i just had to call my mom minutes after seeing 2 lines on the test. and so that meant that my dad knew as well. and then it was thanksgiving, which was the perfect time to share it with josh's family. and then, about a week after we found out, josh and i both sort of said "whatever" and went ahead and facebooked it and let the madness begin. i'm horrible at keeping secrets.

here is what happened....the full, unaltered, honest truth (because i always strive for complete honestly on my blog). ahem, i recently decided to try a more natural approach to birth control. mostly because birth control is a pain in the butt, but also because it can be so dang expensive. i felt quite frugal and "in touch with my body" as i charted my cycle and kept track of it all in my mind. (that was my main mistake. i should never ever keep track of things in my mind, it just doesn't work the way it used to.) so, obviously, my "natural approach" allowed nature to take its course which resulted in panicky pregnant dreams, odd cravings and a cycle that just wasn't quite right.

christy was here when i started to get a niggling in the back of my head and i spent the entire 24 hour period before taking the test verbally exhausting my list of reasons why a potential pregnancy would SO not be a good thing. looking back on it now, those reasons were all pretty selfish ones, but that's where my head was at: me, me, me. christy patiently listened to me worry about something i had no control over, suggested i take a test and left it at that. i had 1 pregnancy test in the cupboard that hadn't expired yet and i intended to take it the next morning when hcg hormones are the highest. over dinner i mentioned to josh that i was seriously worried about this whole thing and he just shrugged it off as if to say, "why are you all upset about this? its not like you're really pregnant or anything."

that evening, after putting the boys to bed, i could stand the suspense no longer. while josh and christy watched tv downstairs, i took the test and then took some deep breaths while waiting for the results. before even 30 seconds had passed, i glanced down at the test not expecting to see 2 very dark pink lines indicating that it was positive. i stood there in complete and utter shock, and then started to cry a little bit. i sat down and dialed josh's cell phone number. when he answered, i asked him to come upstairs, which he did without question. as soon as he entered the room, he saw me with my mouth still open, tears in my eyes, holding the test. it took a moment for everything to register and then he just held me and said, "let's pray." and he did. oh, i love that man.

that's when i called my mom, who was just as shocked as i was. my dad seemed pretty nonchalant about the surprise and, if anything, happy that it had happened. i heard him saying things like, "accidents are girls, you know" and "august? that's a perfect time for us to drive down!" in the background. my mom told me, "at first, it will be hell. you'll get used to it, a couple of years will go by and it will get easier." i was still shaking and teary-eyed when i got into the shower and used that time to pray myself. the moment i opened my mouth to talk to God, i was overwhelmed with feelings of peace and a revelation of how blessed i really am. instead of pouring out my worries and questions to Him, i found myself saying over and over again, "thank you God, for blessing us with this incredible gift."

because i had already gone through all of the not-so-great-things in the previous 24 hours, i felt like i could then move on, saying, "well, this is happening!" and just begin to anticipate all that is to come. yes, i am terrified of not being able to handle 3 children. yes, i am worried about how much of a strain another family member will add to our financial situation. yes, i am scared that i'll continue to be sleep deprived for the next 5 years. but the moment that God showed me how selfish i was being, i opened up my heart and allowed myself to completely love our little unborn baby. we didn't plan this, but He did.

so, today marks 6 weeks and sure enough, i'm fighting nausea all day and Overwhelming Fatigue has hit hard. i have my first appointment on december 15 and since we have different medical insurance than we did with the boys, i have no idea what we'll get in the way of ultrasounds, but we're planning on definitely finding out the gender as soon as we can. we've had a girl's name picked out since before we were engaged, but we never had a third boy's name, so we're trying out a few and trying to agree on one. from my calculations, i am due on august 1st and this time i hope to have my mom in the delivery room with us, though that will depend on if my parents can make it here on time, since they have a 2 day drive ahead of them. tristan at first wanted another brother and wanted to name him "tristan", but he's since changed to telling me that it's a girl and that he is going to name her "bodey" (no idea where he got that from). he talks about singing to her and pushing her on the swings at the park. samuel really doesn't care either way, probably because he can't comprehend it yet :)

there's all the details, and now i'm going to lie down and try to eat some saltine crackers.


rachel joy said...

oh Heidi, what a neat story. It really is a blessing and you will totally be able to handle 3 kids, even if you get another boy! Someone asked me how I do it, and I often say, I don't know. I'm grumpy and tired a lot, but they're happy and thriving, and the fog is lifting. The financial thing is obviously a burden to consider, and that's a toughie. Maybe it will be good incentive to potty train Samuel so you only have to buy one size of diapers! So thrilled for you!

Julie said...

Im really excited for you! Three isnt really too bad. Just dont start laundry if you think your going to be at all busy or overwhelmed that day. Thats the one that gets me completely stressed out.

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear how excited you are now!! I hope the next six weeks go by quickly for you, and that your mom is able to be there when this new one arrives. My mom was there when Teyla was born and i am so glad she got to share that with us. Congrats again to you and your whole family! I will be thinking pink for you (please think blue for us)!


Lovella ♥ said...

oh thank you for the honesty . .I love the story. You indeed are blessed!
I love how I can so easiy visualize your parents on the telephone. .your dad in the background. .it just made me smile.

Thoughts on Life and Millinery. said...

More than a few mom have thought another baby would NOT be a good idea, and more than a few moms (me included) wept when they discovered a baby was on the way. It is OK in the end though; it always is.

I'm a bit surprised that you didn't make the announcement as a Christmas present somehow. We had planned it that way with our autumn conception: my MIL took one look at me at Thanksgiving and said "you are pregnant!" (at five weeks along no less) while my folks STILL didn't get it when I gave them mugs that read I love my grandma/grandpa that year.

It really is easier to have the kids close together once they are school age. Plus you will be at that great reward-empty nest!-while your friends who space their kids farther apart will still be managing curfews and teenage angst. And likely this way you won't be going through Menno Menopause with a teen either!

See? God does know what will be best long term!

Heather said...

What a journey you guys are on! I will be praying for this little precious life ... and for you that you start to feel better soon.

Jennifer said...

I knew something was up/different on your last 'healthy chics' post.
Are you calling me wednesday still?

Janelle Dollick said...

So happy for you! Glad you have such a great perspective on this little one. Love reading your blog :)

kelly ens said...

Well Heidi, you are facing what we both hoped not to have to face. i maintain that I hope not to face it, but you give me hope that I could face it...and even with a bit of gracefulness. i can imagine the fear and shock. but i also see the great support your family is to you and that you will not only be able to do it, but you'll do WELL at mothering 3 kids. of course it will be hard and you will certainly feel weak many times (don't we all, no matter how many kids we have???), but there is a bigger picture than those times of losing our patience, wishing for sleep or quiet...etc. And you're right, GOD planned this, even if you and Josh didn't. I'm glad you are already loving this little's the best start ever! :)

Anonymous said...

Such a beautiful post Heidi! I remember having so many of those same feelings when I found out I was pregnant with Mary (Luke only 8 months old.) I also remember praying and the Peace that came over me and the realization of the true blessing! Now I can't even imagination our life without my sweet girl. I can't imagination Luke without his favorite playmate.
So, so happy for you!
Also, I was told by everyone that "accidents were girls" also! :)

Kerri :)

inquisitivesensitive said...

maybe tristan got bodey from brodie??? congrats!

Sara said...'ll be an amazing mom to three! They are blessed to have a mom (and dad) that cares so much!!

Christy B. said...

I love hearing the story, even though I happened to be there :)

Sending lots of hugs,

Neha said...

You will be a perfect mother to all three of them! What a beautiful way of telling it! True, He has his plans and sure they are always so much more beautiful and blessed! Will pray for you and your little ones.

Grandma J. said...

Well, my dear, you are strapped onto a moving roller coaster and all I can think of to say is - you may as well enjoy the ride! It is a long one, with many ups and downs, but from what I remember the ups are far more frequent. You truly are blessed. Hope you can enjoy your niece and nephew's visit this week without the nausea. XO

Cherie said...

Sis:) I think i like the name Brodie... or one i hear about is Paisley:):) for girls:) Anyway, I would have loved to chat on Sunday when you called so maybe ill call sometime this week:) Three is a good number:) and i SOOOO happy you are finding out the gender asap! Hope you have plenty of energy today:) Oh and Ben n I hope to be able to come out next fall then:):) love you!!!


Bonnie said...

Wow, not having a working computer for a few weeks proved to take me totally out of the loop! Congrats, this is so exciting! You'll do great.

Anneliese said...

It was about this time of the year many years ago that I went to the doctor and found out I was preganant .. due August 3. I can hardly believe now that we waited until the end of January to tell our parents. Love your story ... it will be special for her/him to read it one day... especially if it's a girl..
Third kids are wonderful! They just know they have to behave.

Anonymous said...

congratulations Heidi!!! My sister, who has three under the age of two, says that she thinks three feels more like a family!


Beck's Bulletin said...

Congrats Heidi! Your Mom told me in church a couple of weeks ago but I just made it to your blog to offer congrats.....I would agree that third babies are a charm...ours sure was!