my sam

on wednesday, june 5th, he will be four. four. my sweet little miracle baby, already four years old. it just doesn't seem possible.

he has sprouted up tall and lean, his skin still ruddy and tan throughout the year, showing off his impossibly green eyes. he is my non-photogenic child, the brief flashes of dimples and genuine smiles too quick for my camera to capture. he is my happy wanderer, content with only a stick in his pocket and his imagination to carry him away. he is my middle child, my beloved baby boy, my sam.

he sees a flower and immediately has to pick it for me, holding frail blossoms carefully with his dirty little fists, his mouth smiling shyly as i kiss him and say thank you. most of the time he calls me "mommy heidi" and he calls josh, "daddy josh". we're not exactly sure how that got started, but it sort of stuck and now we both find it incredibly endearing. if i slip and accidentally call him "baby boy" (because he will always be my baby boy), he puts on his angry eyes and informs me that he is a "big boy sam."

he is a stick collector, often asking me permission to take a new one home. when i tell him no, he bursts into sudden tears of such extreme grief, so i have learned that a stick collection does no harm, and i allow him to keep them, though i'm still not sure where he hides them all. he prefers wearing shorts to pants, and deep pockets or belt loops hold various pieces of weaponry (pretend light sabers, plastic swords, guns, and of course sticks.)

he is my dreamer.....i have to say his name several times before he becomes aware that i need his full attention. and his full attention is just as difficult to procure as a good photo of him. he is utterly un-self conscious, and rarely shy, answering strangers' questions in the grocery store line while his older brother remains mute. he does his own thing, often fading into the background, where he seems to prefer to be.

he loves babies (he is so gentle with them) and he loves looking at books. he also loves trains, tow trucks, peter pan, star wars (thanks to his older brother), peppa pig, cowboys, school buses, chocolate and the color red. when asked what he wanted to eat at his birthday party, his answer was, "pineapple, popcorn and watermelon".....we added a few things to the menu and i don't think he minded much.

 we had a small, family celebration yesterday in our backyard with an inflatable pool, balloons, hot dogs, plenty of presents and homemade chocolate cupcakes which were definitely not pinterest-worthy. they were, however, very sam-worthy, and i wish i had captured the expression on his face when he first saw them. (then again, it would've been too fleeting an expression for my sad camera skills, i am sure) it was a sticky, hot day and also a very joyful day for sam, who still can't get over all of the new toys that now belong to him.

oh, my sam. you hold my heart so tenderly in your hands, just as you hold the flowers picked especially for me. may God grant me the wisdom and grace to hold yours just as tenderly and to love just as boldly as you do.

happy birthday, my sweet boy.