Sunday, December 10, 2006

the problem with clothing...

...is that i am no longer fitting into any of it. friday evening was our ladies christmas tea at church and i had been saving a particular red sweater to wear to it. i came home from work and pulled the sweater on, only to find that in the 2 months since i had tried it on, my baby boy had grown so much that he was now attempting to peek out from under it. yes, it was way too short. i had a few moments of panic when clothing started to fly out of my closet as i searched for something ANYTHING nice that didn't expose half of my tummy for all of the world to see. josh even helped by offering some of his button up shirts, which didn't even button up over our son! finally i settled on something less christmas-y, that did in fact keep my tummy warm, as long as i remembered to tug it down every few minutes. the nice thing is that, even though i can no longer wear most of the cute maternity sweaters in my closet (which were loaned to me by zandra) they will shortly be used to flatter the cute little figure of my dear friend j'lene who is due in may.

i have had issues with growing out of my pants even before i got pregnant. for those of you that need a reminder, check out my december 2005 archives and look for the post titled "mistletoe" ah yes, if only i could forget that horridly embarassing day. actually, it looks like it may not be too hard to forget it as a similarly embarassing situation yesterday is causing last year's wardrobe malfunction to pale in comparison.

yesterday was my last day of work (HOOORAAAYY!!) just because he is SO sweet and loving, (and because i begged him to) my dear husband came by during my lunch break to take me out. i removed my standard issue purple apron, grabbed my purse, and we walked to a little mexican restaraunt for some flautas. i noticed a few people that we passed give me a once-over and kind of linger for a moment at my waist, but thought nothing of it as most people stare at my stomach. it's just something pregnant women get used to. so we find ourselves a seat, then i jump up to go grab some napkins. as i'm walking back to our table, i notice a very interesting look on my husbands' face. he is looking at me with some sort of horror and is trying to tell me something. very calmy and quietly, he tells me to sit down and then says, "you have a hole in the front of your pants." i just kind of laughed and said "yeah right" but he insisted that it was true. a little shaken at this information, i asked him how big it was. he held up his fingers to show the size of a baseball. again, i thought "he must be joking" but no, i put my hand there and must have turned completely white. the entire front of my pants had exploded open at some point during the day and, now that my work apron was removed, my underwear was on display for all to see. oh yes, and did i mention that i just so happened to be wearing striped pink and white underwear? classy, heidi. josh told me that he hadn't quite believed it either when he first saw it, but after watching me walk casually around the restaraunt, trying to find some napkins (in view of the MANY people eating there) he realized that he was indeed seeing panties AND flesh (it went low enough to expose my thighs)

my white face quickly turned to red and i don't think i tasted much of my lunch. i held my purse in front of me as we walked back to the store, and then i retreated to the staff room where i made sure that my apron was tied on extra tight. my boss kept calling me SP for the rest of the day (Split Pants) and, by that time, i was able to laugh right along with him. i apologized for having to take the work apron home with me, but he insisted that i keep it. he said i should fold it up and tuck it away somewhere so that when i find it next, i'll be reminded of the day my pants burst open.

oh yes, and one more thing. they weren't even my pants. zandra, i owe you a nice pair of black pinstriped maternity pants!

12 comments:

running wildly said...

OH my sweet girl. I can practically see the horror splashed over your face. What a terrible thing to happen. I seriously am so embarassed for you. I know your words don't do justice to how mortified you must have been. HUGS!

Jennifer said...

I had to wear my husbands button up shirts too.
(Never split pants though that I can remember...poor girl)

Meredith said...

With 35 days to go (according to your thingy) Would you like me to send you anything Maternity? I didn't earlier because you are normally so much smaller than I so I never thought you'd fit any of it but in this case it sounds like you need some help.
In the morning I will mail you some stuff that I hope (for your sake) fits. I hope it gets there in time to help you.

Sorlil said...

woops!! It's great being able to fit some more clothes again - for the last 3 months of my pregnancy I had to rotate between the same 3 tops and 2 trousers which I never want to see again!

Cherie said...

hi hi sissy... i miss you soo much... wish i could be there.. but hey im in teh same kinda weather only half way around the world... oh mom told me you were super fast at the toilets in kenya... ya me too... go squatties!!

Janet James said...

Hello Heidi! I also have some maternity clothes in the garage that I will go through for you. I would wear a lot of sweats. Comfy, but not for work. How do you feel on your first day of no more bookstore work? I will pray for a relaxing time for you before Tristian comes. See you on Wednesday! I am looking forward to a lot of laughs.

One more thing, can you help me with linking up to your blogger??? I just can't figure it out.....

Thanks

lil said...

Oh Heidi, thanks for such a good laugh!! I had to wipe the tears away!! That was so funny!
I saw Cherie's note on squatty potties (Eastern toilets) and I had to use one only once on our trip to Pakistan!! I was so blessed!
Have a great last month of waiting!!!

Jeff, Kristy & Hayley said...

Heidi, I completely understand your pain. I split a couple seams in my mat. pants in my fist pregnancy. While we were down for your wedding I had to buy some long shirts and full panel bottoms to cover my belly. I hope you enjoy your last month before Tristan come. Make sure to sleep lots, you'll need it :)

Shannon said...

I thought about mailing my brown pants to Darla to burn.

By the end of pregnancy I figured if I was in an accident they would ID me by my outfit alone. "is she wearing brown pants and a burgundy long sleeve shirt? Yeah, that's my wife."

enjoy no work for a few weeks!

Meredith said...

Your package should arrive no later than Friday. Please consider it your Christmas gift, birthday gift, anniversary gift, baby gift, and all other occaisions.
I justy hope they work.:)

Ej said...

I split my pants today - and I'm not pregant! I feel your horror!

Zandra said...

HA HA, Heidi! Great story...what a way to end your last day of work! And really, don't even worry about the pants...you don't owe me a thing.