Saturday, May 30, 2009

still waiting

i just noticed, while reading my archives that i was doing some serious waiting before tristan was born as well, even though he was 2 weeks early. isn't it funny how the wait seems so long and then, when whatever it is you are waiting for finally happens, you seem to completely forget how long it took? all that waiting time is reduced to a mere moment in your memory. it happened that way when josh and i were engaged as well. we were waiting and waiting for our fiance visa to come through so that we could legally be married. i clearly remember the agony of not knowing exactly when we could be together, but the amount of time it took for us to finally be married is not something i remember. there is only "before we were married" and now "after we were married." just as soon there will be "after samuel was born" and the seemingly long moments leading up to his birth will be flattened like a pancake into "before samuel was born."

i also noticed from my archives that the very day that i finally gave up on waiting and wondering was the day that tristan was born. i actually wrote on my blog that i would no longer expect him to come any day; rather i would expect him to come one week after his due date. and so, i am going to publicly write that i will now expect samuel to arrive on june 15th, one week after his due date, and the day i would be induced. (there. i've written it. he can come now.)

josh and i enjoyed one last evening alone together last night at the movies. it was silly of me to be so brave as to bring only my cane with me into the theater. by the time i had walked from the car to the theater, i was already wishing we had just brought the darn wheelchair. i ended up holding onto one of josh's hands with all my might while my other hand white knuckled my cane. my leg ached for about the first half of the movie, but it was all worth it. i got josh to pull the car up to the curb afterwards, which was much nicer. and then we stopped at jack in the box for milkshakes on the way home and promptly fell into bed exhausted at 10:30. so much for living it up without the kid at home!

tristan is now on his way home after a fun-filled day with his grandparents. do you ever get to the point where you don't miss your kids anymore when they're gone? i'm staring at the clock, willing it to go faster so that i can get a big fat hug from him. the house seems so blessedly quiet when he first leaves and then once he's been gone for awhile it just seems so empty.

with my new mind frame of expecting him to come on june 15th, perhaps i'll think of something other than pregnant stuff to blog about next time. oh, who am i kidding. every day i'll still wake up thinking "today could be the day!" and every night i will go to bed slightly more disappointed than the night before.

5 comments:

monk:s said...

I've been wondering all day if May 30th would be Samuel's birthday. Now I'll be wondering if it's May 31.....we're all waiting and wondering with you.

-TL (monk:s' wife)

Shannon said...

thinking of you in the last waiting days. I am such an impatient person that waiting was just too much for me!!

I do miss them and I have to admit that when Donnie drives off with all of them, I have a moment of feeling sick at the morbid thought that my whole family just drove off and pray for their safety.

Aside from that it is sort of neat that they go do something and then come back full of energy and with stories and it gives me a chance to miss them. I just don't ache or feel empty. I look forward to seeing them again but don't watch the clock or "miss" them. I have precious little alone time. Rarely is everyone away so when one goes somewhere it is a better chance to spend quality time with another.

Thoughts on Life and Millinery. said...

I was expecting you to say that Josh just picked you up and carried you the rest of the way...and then I remembered carrying a pregnant lady, her purse and her cane would be a regular circus act!

I'm still rooting for the June date that Josh wants. Sorry...

Z-Mama said...

It sure is hard to be patient when you're at the end of a pregnancy...I completely understand! But all in all - in the grand scheme of things, just remember, 16 days (and I'm sure he will decide to come before then) is no time at all!!! He will be here before any of us realize!

Jennifer said...

I just feel like if I don't check on you for one half a day that you might have him and then I'd miss knowing...