still waiting

i just noticed, while reading my archives that i was doing some serious waiting before tristan was born as well, even though he was 2 weeks early. isn't it funny how the wait seems so long and then, when whatever it is you are waiting for finally happens, you seem to completely forget how long it took? all that waiting time is reduced to a mere moment in your memory. it happened that way when josh and i were engaged as well. we were waiting and waiting for our fiance visa to come through so that we could legally be married. i clearly remember the agony of not knowing exactly when we could be together, but the amount of time it took for us to finally be married is not something i remember. there is only "before we were married" and now "after we were married." just as soon there will be "after samuel was born" and the seemingly long moments leading up to his birth will be flattened like a pancake into "before samuel was born."

i also noticed from my archives that the very day that i finally gave up on waiting and wondering was the day that tristan was born. i actually wrote on my blog that i would no longer expect him to come any day; rather i would expect him to come one week after his due date. and so, i am going to publicly write that i will now expect samuel to arrive on june 15th, one week after his due date, and the day i would be induced. (there. i've written it. he can come now.)

josh and i enjoyed one last evening alone together last night at the movies. it was silly of me to be so brave as to bring only my cane with me into the theater. by the time i had walked from the car to the theater, i was already wishing we had just brought the darn wheelchair. i ended up holding onto one of josh's hands with all my might while my other hand white knuckled my cane. my leg ached for about the first half of the movie, but it was all worth it. i got josh to pull the car up to the curb afterwards, which was much nicer. and then we stopped at jack in the box for milkshakes on the way home and promptly fell into bed exhausted at 10:30. so much for living it up without the kid at home!

tristan is now on his way home after a fun-filled day with his grandparents. do you ever get to the point where you don't miss your kids anymore when they're gone? i'm staring at the clock, willing it to go faster so that i can get a big fat hug from him. the house seems so blessedly quiet when he first leaves and then once he's been gone for awhile it just seems so empty.

with my new mind frame of expecting him to come on june 15th, perhaps i'll think of something other than pregnant stuff to blog about next time. oh, who am i kidding. every day i'll still wake up thinking "today could be the day!" and every night i will go to bed slightly more disappointed than the night before.