Wednesday, August 17, 2011

treading water

the title of this post pretty much sums up how i'm feeling these days. the past (almost) 3 weeks have sort of flown by, but in some ways each day also feels like it takes an eternity to pass. dealing with sleep deprivation has always been difficult for me, but this time around it seems nearly impossible to keep my emotions and patience in check when dealing with my 2 little boys. God gets about a million tiny little prayers from me daily, things like, "God, give me peace!" and "God, please help her to fall asleep!" taking this moment to blog feels almost wrong somehow, as there are so many household chores that need to be done, but i'm gonna take this moment and hopefully keep my sanity in tact.

the days are hectic and the nights can be downright cruel. the other evening josh and i took turns walking a fussy little girl up and down our dark street in the moby wrap, only to lay her in bed and have her scream minutes later. after hours of trying to settle her, josh finally took her downstairs with him to watch some tv and i fell immediately into a deep sleep. he put her in her bed at 11 and by 11:45 she was awake again, ready for another feeding. yesterday i spent $15 on a tiny bottle of gripe water and if last night wasn't just a fluke, if it really and truly took away her tummy pain and caused her eyelids to shut so quickly, then i will happily pay $15 over and over again for such liquid gold. i've been extra strict with eliminating dairy from my diet and am thinking about eliminating soy as well, though that one is a lot tougher. my meals have become very bland and redundant, but i really don't care as long as my baby girl isn't in pain and is getting the rest she and i both need.

yes, things are tough right now, but as my husband very lovingly reminded me last night, its important not to dwell on the tough things, but to revel in the joyful things. like how samuel held her little hand in the backseat all the way to our playdate yesterday and she remained quiet the entire time! or how tristan says, "good morning little cutie" every time i bring her downstairs. the smiles she gives that i swear are social smiles because they light up her eyes and not just her mouth. or the way she just stares and stares at things and people as if she is trying to figure this whole new world out.

so here i sit in front of the computer at 1pm, still wearing last night's jammies that are spit up stained, with my hair in its constant ponytail, listening to 2 different baby monitors, wondering which child will awaken first. this is my life now, my new normal which i am slowly getting used to.

10 comments:

kelly ens said...

Aw Heidi, what a challenge. I know you know that it's 'all worth it' and that you'll get through this stage, but i know too, that what you're facing is challenging. Ok, I can imagine! Hugs to you!!!!

sedachfamily said...

Good for you Heidi for focussing on the joyful things! I'm praying things smooth out quickly!

melanie said...

I can't imagine. Thinking of you.

Kari said...

Oh Heidi... it brings back so many memories of Coranelle in the first months. My heart goes out to you. I've been praying for you tons. What we found worked even better than gripe water was "Colic Calm". It's a bit more expensive and you can find it on amazon, but it really works. This too shall pass! The LORD is with you all day, during all those hard and joyful moments. You're doing a great job!

lil said...

Praying for you, Heidi!! Hope there is someone that can just hang with you sometimes!! Another set of hands really helps!!

Heather said...

Thinking of you and praying for you ... and Gripe Water was the charm here with Kai, hoping it does the same for your littlest one!

Miranda said...

Oh Heidi, I'm praying for you. I'm gonna be in the same boat soon, and so we can be sleep deprived together. I hope Ava's sleeping improves soon.

Sarah D said...

I really hope this phase passes quickly & you're both getting some much needed rest soon. I'm not sure if you'd go this route but a friend of mine took her colicky baby to a chiropractor & it did wonders. Hoping the gripe water does the trick though!
Sarah

Julie said...

It will get better my friend. Right now in the thick of it it seems it will last forever... Im still praying for you. Hope you can figure out whats bothering her tummy, poor little thing.

Laura Railing said...

Hey ditto on the Colic Calm! That stuff is amazing! Praying for you Heidi! I know it seems like right now you just can't handle it but God knows! Find rest in that! And you have an awesome hubby! Praying!