Wednesday, August 01, 2007

i've fallen and i can't get up: a tale from tristan's bedroom floor.

the official word on the detox diet: i'm done. after only 2 days of subsiding on the least amount of food EVER, i've decided that, as a breastfeeding mom, i really need to be getting more calories into me than the diet was providing.

monday was the first day of the diet. i had my hot lemon water with cayenne pepper first thing in the morning while tristan giggled at the funny faces i was making. after our walk i had a piece of fruit. no matter that i still felt ravenous after eating my apple, i now had to wait until lunch for my first real meal. the stuffed green peppers tasted fine, though slightly bland. it was really the preparation that was a pain, what with a whiny boy on my hands. dinner was fine as well, but then the evening cravings hit HARD. i had an awful headache due to sugar withdrawal and every food commercial on tv was piercing my heart. i wasn't even allowed to eat more fruit in the evening to ease the pain. i think i ended up munching on some almonds. the headache lasted all night long.

tuesday morning i added a bit of honey to my hot lemon water, which really helped it go down easier. this time, the wait until lunch to eat nearly killed me, especially since it took so long to prepare that i didn't get to eat it until 2:00. feeling a little drowsy, i made up a big steaming bowl of kidney bean stew which was quite tasty and attempted to silence the after lunch munchies with carrot sticks. my mom in law invited us over for hamburgers and hotdogs. i told her we'd come, but that i'd have to bring my own meal. by the time we got there and sat down, i was ready to chew my hand off and eat it! while the rest of the family bit into juicy bbq'd burgers, i ate my tuna and asparagus meal as slowly as possible to make it last longer. seeing josh enjoy a bowl of ice cream after dinner nearly sent me over the edge, so i tried not to look. the headache was gone that evening, but i felt strangely exhausted. tristan was fussier than normal, due to staying up past his bedtime and also cutting his first tooth that day(!) he woke up several times and night just screaming in pain, so i used teething tablets and orajel to help him out, and mostly ended up nursing him just to calm him.

this morning i heard tristan wake up at 6:30. i got out of bed and felt kind of funny. picked tristan up from his crib and had to take a few steps backward to avoid falling over! i put him on his changing table to change his diaper, and as i was doing so the oddest feeling came over me. i was telling tristan "mommy doesn't feel very good" but i was slurring my words. i got one side of a clean diaper on him, then fell to my knees on the floor. i crawled to the bathroom, feeling quite nauseous, then realized i needed help, so i crawled to the office, where i grabbed the phone to call josh. i managed to reach up to the changing table on my knees, got tristan down and onto the floor, then i collapsed next to him and called josh. as soon as i dialed another wave of nausea came over me, so back to the bathroom i went. i tried to stand up holding onto the counter, but then my arms and legs felt all tingly, kind of like pins and needles, so i sat back down. josh told me he'd be over in a few and i went back next to tristan and just lay there, crying. tristan was so good, he just lay there, beside me, happy as ever. i closed my eyes for what seemed like a moment and the next second josh was saying "heidi? heidi?"

i was so weak at that point that he had to pull me into a sitting position and support me so i wouldn't fall backwards. he spoon fed me yogurt and very quickly, i felt the fog lift from my brain. i was able to talk a bit more coherantly, but it was difficult just standing up and walking, never mind picking up the baby. josh got us situated on the couch, where i nursed tristan, then josh went back to work while i called his mom. she came over as soon as she possibly could and i cannot even begin to say how grateful i am that i have a wonderful mom in law who loves me and treats me just like her own daughter. chris stayed with me for hours, cancelling her day at the wild animal park with jessica and the kids. she fed tristan his breakast and walked him around the house endlessly and changed his diaper and brought me cereal and toast and milk. it was wonderful and i don't know what i'd do without her. by the time tristan went down for his first nap, i felt so much better, but still very weak. jessica came over and chris took the kids back to her place. jessica fed tristan lunch and played with him as well. we had a great time just chatting and after a lunch of italian wedding soup, i felt pretty much like my old self.

so i'm not exactly sure, medically speaking, what happened this morning. my guess is that my body is used to consuming a lot more calories that what i was getting. that, combined with the frequent breastfeeding last night (which my body also wasn't used to) kind of drained me completely and left me without any energy whatsoever. i don't "blame" the diet i was on at all. in truth, i feel a little stupid for not realizing earlier that a nursing mom shouldn't be on such a drastic, strict diet. there are 3 phases to the diet, with phase 1 being the most strict. i should have started on phase 2 or 3 rather than phase 1. i have gained knowledge about whole grains and food combinations and digestion that will certainly influence the way i eat in the future. however, i think that its best if i eat "normally" for awhile now, just making a few healthier choices than the ones i was previously making.

so there's my report on the detox diet that lasted 2 days. anyone want to come over for some kidney bean stew? i've got TONS of leftovers!!


Sarafina said...

Wow, Heidi, that's scary!!
I'm so glad you're ok!
I agree that you should try something a little less drastic next time (0:
Honestly, I can totally identify with your frustration, I've struggled in this area a lot and was really disappointed to find out that the 'breastfeeding melts away the pounds' thing didn't like me either!! I don't know exactly what the solution is yet, but I'm hoping to find out in the Fall after #3!!! heehee. It's so hard with the busy responsibilities, lack of cash for expensive gyms and lack of energy too...but walking is great, my doc suggests taking just a quick 10-15 minute walk after each meal? And then for me, I know I need to watch my sugar intake a LOT...I have such a sweet tooth. It is my fatal flaw! Anyhow, hope you're feeling ok today...and hope you know you are ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL, regardless of what the number on the scale says!!

Lovella said...

Okay, you have me in tears.
All I can think is the "the lies that women are told".
I just feel like we have done a huge injustice to you younger women. Somehow we've dropped the ball on reminding you what beauty really is.
I was just amazed at how wonderful you looked when I saw you. Truly. You have been far too hard on yourself. Eating like a mouse, what a terrible thing to put yourself through. I just want to run over there right now with some rollkuchen.

I admit that weight came off quite easily for me after the babies so I can't speak from experience on what to do, but if you just eat sensibly you will lose those extra pounds.
Oh I just am sooo thankful that Josh could come quick and that sweet Tristan cooed and knew to keep mommy company :) until daddy arrived.

Is this a bad time to tell you I'm taking plum perishky out of the oven? Just a sliver.

Take care . . .

Thoughts on Life and Millinery. said...

Ahem...and you are sure you are not preggers?
What you described is what the ladies in the old movies always experienced to hint that they were in the family way.
Hopefully you just have post baby fat, which will come off as you get more active chasing a toddler.
Of course, it could be "mid-baby" fat. I hear they call pregnant Mennonite women Pregomennos. Babies are Tristan being raised as one?
Older Mennonites get to be Menomennos. Oh so much to look forward to.

heidi said...

awww, thanks so much sara and lovella for your sweet comments...THEY had me in tears! i know, i really am trying to come to terms with the fact that my body has been changed forever. and i am so blessed to have a husband who loves me despite my love handles :) jill: after i published this post, i did think to myself "hmmm, i'm kinda making it sound like i'm pregnant!" no, i am NOT (thank goodness!) and even though i felt nauseous and dizzy i'm certain it was lack of food that did it, since i started perking up as soon as we got some food in me. tristan i am sure will be raised as mennonite as he possibly can. i'm sure my mom will be loading him up with paska and perishky once he's old enough :)

Julene said...

Heidi, you are beautiful ... Just wanted to let you know that. And thanks for being so honest about an area that all women struggle with. You are a great writer!

Anonymous said...

I thought it hinted at pregnancy too. (the symptoms hit me like a freight truck before finding out with Wesley because it was the *last* thing on my mind)

Glad you are healthy and wise. Your body is working hard so you need to make sure you are getting enough calories. WW gives you an extra allotment for nursing, which is something I like about the program- and you can still eat ice cream. You've learned some new eating ideas and obviously have the dicipline to carry through (I lack that!) so you'll make it.

Dealing with weight is hard. We love ourselves and those around us love us just the way we are regardless but it is still natural to be frustrated with the changes and want results.

You are beautiful :O)


Kristal said...

Seriously Heidi, you are BEAUTIFUL!!! I too have struggled with weight and the changes that Natalie made to my body...hello stretch marks!

I too would highly suggest waiting for something so strict until after you are done bf-ing...for now just eat healthy and keep walking! =)

I have found working out and counting my calories has helped a lot. Maybe you could find out how many calories you need to eat minimum while you are bf-ing?


Jenn & Wade said...

That sounds scary, so glad you did fall with Tristan. I can totally relate with being frustrated with the extra weight and different body....I am daily reminded and it annoys me. Having 4 kids in the last 6 years I know does not help either as I barely start to lose the weight and then I was pregnant again. Just know you're not alone!=)

Jenn & Wade said...

ahhh, I thought I typed DIDN'T FALL WITH TRISTAN....sorry about that misspell, I should preview what I write before clicking the publish botton.=0

Lori said...

Yah, the nursing (especially frequent nursing) burns tons of calories so you were probably living on like negative calories or something crazy.
Do you have a copy of the "diet" though? Troy and I have been thinking of detoxing (not for dieting reasons but for cleansing reasons) and I'm looking for something where I don't have to pay some weird doctor a thousand dollars to tell me what to do.

running wildly said...

Well, medically speaking it sounds as if you had a little bought of low blood sugar levels and perhaps some dehydration. Both things can cause what happened to you. The big hint that you had low sugar glucose levels is how getting some food (yogurt) in you helped you to come around. The whole time I'm reading your story I'm thinking a couple things:
1) I'm so glad you decided to not stay on such a strict carb reducing diet because it's not safe for you to be alone with Tristan if your body reacts the way it did.

2) Next time you feel like you're gonna pass out don't call your 911!!!!!! For goodness sake girl, if you had gone fully unconcsious or had fallen and hit your head.......ahhhh.......I can't even imagine it! As your personal medical nurse advisor please promise me you'll call 911 next time! It's always better safe than sorry.

Keep your fluids up and eat the right kind of sugars.....meaning fruits not white bread/pasta. And by fluids keep at the water and 100% fruit juices. No soda pop!

Ok, enough scolding. I was terrified for your safety (and Tristan's) reading this post. I am just sooooooooooo glad you are alright and recovering well. I'm also so proud of you for having good judgement in realizing your body needs to start low and slow.

I know that no matter how many people tell you that you are beautiful you will never see it unless you believe it.....but hun, you are gorgeous. Inside and out. Don't let the lies of society tell you otherwise. Lovella's comment was very powerful speaking to that.

I love you so much. Just glad you're ok.

Rachel Z said...

My favourite trick is getting some really "sturdy" underwear! Seriously. It makes me feel better when the lines are smooth and not rolly. i don't use them all the time but it sure does the trick. I'm going to look into getting some Spanx. Just gotta find where to buy them ...

Jennifer said...

I wrote a comment days ago but it just never appeared.

What you went through reminded me of the time I passed out due to low blood sugar.

You know my 'husband' looked me in the eye and said 'you have turned into my worst nightmare, fat!'
Of course I was deeply hurt by that and stayed large on purpose for years. I wasn't ready to deal with being overweight until my second was nearly out of diapers. (18 months) And I did it for me.
I think you are very brave for being willing to tackle this issue so soon in your motherhood.
There is nothing wrong with the way you are today in this moment.
You have a husband who loves you unconditionally. Why do you need to be back to a reasonable weight so soon? There is no need to keep yourself unhappy about it.
I'd even say enjoy eating while you can. Because once the bf-ing wieght does come off it takes real long term discipline to maintain it.
One of my favorite snacks while bf-ing was peanut butter and jelly on graham crackers.

Naomi said...

I am so glad that you are ok!!! What a scary thing to have happen, especially being alone with Tristan. I'm so glad Josh got there so quickly and you had help all day.