i've fallen and i can't get up: a tale from tristan's bedroom floor.

the official word on the detox diet: i'm done. after only 2 days of subsiding on the least amount of food EVER, i've decided that, as a breastfeeding mom, i really need to be getting more calories into me than the diet was providing.

monday was the first day of the diet. i had my hot lemon water with cayenne pepper first thing in the morning while tristan giggled at the funny faces i was making. after our walk i had a piece of fruit. no matter that i still felt ravenous after eating my apple, i now had to wait until lunch for my first real meal. the stuffed green peppers tasted fine, though slightly bland. it was really the preparation that was a pain, what with a whiny boy on my hands. dinner was fine as well, but then the evening cravings hit HARD. i had an awful headache due to sugar withdrawal and every food commercial on tv was piercing my heart. i wasn't even allowed to eat more fruit in the evening to ease the pain. i think i ended up munching on some almonds. the headache lasted all night long.

tuesday morning i added a bit of honey to my hot lemon water, which really helped it go down easier. this time, the wait until lunch to eat nearly killed me, especially since it took so long to prepare that i didn't get to eat it until 2:00. feeling a little drowsy, i made up a big steaming bowl of kidney bean stew which was quite tasty and attempted to silence the after lunch munchies with carrot sticks. my mom in law invited us over for hamburgers and hotdogs. i told her we'd come, but that i'd have to bring my own meal. by the time we got there and sat down, i was ready to chew my hand off and eat it! while the rest of the family bit into juicy bbq'd burgers, i ate my tuna and asparagus meal as slowly as possible to make it last longer. seeing josh enjoy a bowl of ice cream after dinner nearly sent me over the edge, so i tried not to look. the headache was gone that evening, but i felt strangely exhausted. tristan was fussier than normal, due to staying up past his bedtime and also cutting his first tooth that day(!) he woke up several times and night just screaming in pain, so i used teething tablets and orajel to help him out, and mostly ended up nursing him just to calm him.

this morning i heard tristan wake up at 6:30. i got out of bed and felt kind of funny. picked tristan up from his crib and had to take a few steps backward to avoid falling over! i put him on his changing table to change his diaper, and as i was doing so the oddest feeling came over me. i was telling tristan "mommy doesn't feel very good" but i was slurring my words. i got one side of a clean diaper on him, then fell to my knees on the floor. i crawled to the bathroom, feeling quite nauseous, then realized i needed help, so i crawled to the office, where i grabbed the phone to call josh. i managed to reach up to the changing table on my knees, got tristan down and onto the floor, then i collapsed next to him and called josh. as soon as i dialed another wave of nausea came over me, so back to the bathroom i went. i tried to stand up holding onto the counter, but then my arms and legs felt all tingly, kind of like pins and needles, so i sat back down. josh told me he'd be over in a few and i went back next to tristan and just lay there, crying. tristan was so good, he just lay there, beside me, happy as ever. i closed my eyes for what seemed like a moment and the next second josh was saying "heidi? heidi?"

i was so weak at that point that he had to pull me into a sitting position and support me so i wouldn't fall backwards. he spoon fed me yogurt and very quickly, i felt the fog lift from my brain. i was able to talk a bit more coherantly, but it was difficult just standing up and walking, never mind picking up the baby. josh got us situated on the couch, where i nursed tristan, then josh went back to work while i called his mom. she came over as soon as she possibly could and i cannot even begin to say how grateful i am that i have a wonderful mom in law who loves me and treats me just like her own daughter. chris stayed with me for hours, cancelling her day at the wild animal park with jessica and the kids. she fed tristan his breakast and walked him around the house endlessly and changed his diaper and brought me cereal and toast and milk. it was wonderful and i don't know what i'd do without her. by the time tristan went down for his first nap, i felt so much better, but still very weak. jessica came over and chris took the kids back to her place. jessica fed tristan lunch and played with him as well. we had a great time just chatting and after a lunch of italian wedding soup, i felt pretty much like my old self.

so i'm not exactly sure, medically speaking, what happened this morning. my guess is that my body is used to consuming a lot more calories that what i was getting. that, combined with the frequent breastfeeding last night (which my body also wasn't used to) kind of drained me completely and left me without any energy whatsoever. i don't "blame" the diet i was on at all. in truth, i feel a little stupid for not realizing earlier that a nursing mom shouldn't be on such a drastic, strict diet. there are 3 phases to the diet, with phase 1 being the most strict. i should have started on phase 2 or 3 rather than phase 1. i have gained knowledge about whole grains and food combinations and digestion that will certainly influence the way i eat in the future. however, i think that its best if i eat "normally" for awhile now, just making a few healthier choices than the ones i was previously making.

so there's my report on the detox diet that lasted 2 days. anyone want to come over for some kidney bean stew? i've got TONS of leftovers!!