big boy

well, i just got back from tristan's 4 month appointment and found out that he weighs a whopping 17 lbs 6 oz! he's in the 90th percentile for both his weight and his height (26 in). i knew he was a big boy, i just didn't think he was THIS big. even though he's still coughing and a bit stuffed up, he got his immunizations anyhow. last time he was out of sorts for a couple of days, so i'm trying to be more prepared this time and offer the tylenol sooner. i haven't been posting as many pictures on his picture blog lately because he has this new thing with the camera. whenever he sees it, he suddenly gets this "deer caught in the headlights" look and won't stop staring at it, open mouthed. this makes cute photo ops a little difficult, but i'll be sure to post his 4 month picture tomorrow.

i had a lovely girls night on saturday evening. josh stayed home with tristan while i went out for mexican food with jessica and zandra. it was so great just chatting away, though i admit that i did call home twice just to make sure tristan wasn't in a funk. i was a little worried that i hadn't pumped enough milk. anyhow, we went out for coffee after dinner and it felt so good...sometimes it can be easy to forget how important it is to get away once in awhile. tristan is finally able to stay awake for more than an hour and a half at a time, so i'm going to try to venture out more with him, perhaps even going to zandra's for coffee this wednesday.

after 2 years of tedious, hard work, the church library finally opened on sunday! i'm not going to get discouraged at the fact that only about 4 families visited it (one of which was my family) but rather i'm going to breathe a big sigh of relief that we finally did it, and only hope that people will end up enjoying it. it was our pastor's last sunday at our church, so there was a lot going on. after 10 years as senior pastor of our church, pastor gary is retiring, and we will miss him greatly. he was the one who encouraged josh to attend the bible school in england where he met me... he also was the one who performed our beach wedding ceremony and he dedicated our son to the Lord. lots of good memories.

ooh, i hear my baby crying...

sicky

my computer still won't let me comment (at times i really want to chuck it out the window) so, in response to lovella's blog: no, i did not sleep well last night because...tristan is sick and was waking up every 1-2 hours just sobbing with a stuffed up nose. the worst part about this whole thing is that i gave it to him. i got sick on friday and tried SO hard to wash my hands frequently and not kiss my child for fear of my germs landing on his sweet little body, but i guess i wasn't careful enough. my cold was quite a nasty assortment of sinus pain/sore throat/ headache/ congestion. my heart just breaks knowing what he's feeling and being pretty powerless to do much about it. we've elevated his crib mattress to help with the congestion and i give him infant tylenol at night to help him sleep a bit better, but on the whole he is just a miserable, sad version of his usual self. poor little guy.

so that's whats new and exciting here. it's 7:00 and i'm getting ready for bed to try and make up for the 3 hours sleep i got last night.

night night.

a new mom's attempt at survival part III: pride cometh before a fall

i honestly don't believe in jinxes or fate or murphy's law or what have you. but i have to say that my dear son has pushed me to the brink of believing these things! tristan has had what i call "Sleep Issues" for the past (and only) 3 months of his life, which is really just a nice way of saying "why the @#$*) won't he @(*&^! go to *&#$@ sleep???!!!"

for awhile after his two month no-napping nightmare, i actually had him on a very nice routine. well, i and my mother did, as she helped out A LOT when she visited last month. for about 2 weeks he was consistantly napping for 2 hours three times a day and sleeping through the night for at least 8 hours. things were heavenly. the sun shone so cheery and bright, the birds sang lovely songs out my window and i had never laid eyes on anything sweeter or more angelic than my dear baby boy, sleeping soundly in his crib.

i should have known not to say anything to anyone about this. in fact, i kept quiet about it for quite awhile, but then april 1st came along and he was 3 months old and i decided to record my happiness in his baby journal. i wrote (and i quote word for word): "tristan has been napping very well during the day and sleeping all through the night for quite some time now. i believe that the hard part is behind us...things are so much easier now!"

you'd think that would have been enough, right? oh no, i was absolutely gleeful, so the same day in the nursery at church, while the other moms were lamenting at how their children rarely took naps, i cleared my throat and announced with much pride that my son takes three 2 hour naps a day...blah ...blah...blah....blah. oh, i was proud. i was so proud that, while watching those "bringing home the baby" shows, i would think to myself "uh oh, they're in trouble. if i were them, i'd know exactly what to do to get the baby to go to sleep" after all, i thought, it was SO SIMPLE!!!

well, the very next day was a monday. it was a monday i hope i never forget. i fell hard off of my little prideful throne as everything i had taught my son about sleep was violently chucked out the window. tristan decided that he no longer wanted to sleep angelicly in his crib. he decided that he'd rather cry. and cry he did. he cried for 2 days. josh and i eventually just drove him around in the car to attempt to lull him into sleep, but it was no use. nothing we did could silence him. eventually he'd fall into a fitfull sleep, only to awaken 30 minutes later grumpy and over-tired. i even tried reverse-jinxing it by putting him in his crib and saying aloud "hmmm...he probably will be up in a few minutes" but that sure didn't work!

tristan cried a whole lot, but i think i may have cried more. i felt that everything i had worked so hard towards in finally getting him on a routine had completely gone to waste. i felt that this would be the new normal and that i was doomed to months and months of sleep deprivation and earplug wearing. in the midst of my angst, i really felt so all alone. i emailed a few friends to ask for advice, but mostly i just wanted the comfort of knowing that others had gone through this and survived.

a few days later, things started to get a bit better. i can't say that tristan is back onto the heavenly routine of three 2 hour naps because that just isn't true. some days he'll decide to sleep for only 30-45 minutes at a time. other days he'll sleep for 2 1/2 hours at a time. what i have learned is that i can't expect him to fit perfectly into the little box of a routine that i've created for him. i've learned that those post-partum hormones are still alive and well inside of me. i've learned that i DON'T know a thing about babies and have no right to be proud of what works with mine. i've learned that every day is an adventure and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. but the most important lesson i've learned is: when my baby is doing great and sleeping 12 hours at night, trust me, i won't be telling ANYONE!

so....

i can't believe i've actually made it to the "new post" section of my blog!!! i've been trying for days to get on here and my computer, for some reason, has decided to hate all things blogger. i haven't been able to post comments, see pictures or write a post. now that i'm here and writing, i find myself kind of tongue tied. so....here's what's been happening:

~in the absence of blogging i joined facebook which immediately sucked me in. after a bit, the charm wore off, though as i find blogging just so much more personal and informative.

~after nearly an entire pregnancy of having strong, healthy hair, it has now decided to fall out in rather alarmingly large handfulls. i do know that this is normal, but it's quite annoying to be shedding so much. tristan nearly always has a few strands in his fists.

~i made chicken caesar salad the other day and mistakenly poured ranch dressing on it instead of caesar. i wouldn't recommend it.

~gramps is out of the hospital (hooray!) and his appetite is coming back.

~tristan has been teaching me patience as his naps have been anywhere from nightmarish to heavenly. i'm trying very hard to just have fun riding this roller coaster instead of demanding the same results every day.

~we watched the pursuit of happyness the other day and were both quite disappointed at how sad the whole thing was.

~our friend miriam is coming to stay with us this weekend, which we are very much looking forward to. she is one of the best people to talk to that i've ever met.

~drove the hour north up to sis' house on wednesday, only to get back in my car and drive home a couple of hours later. tristan had a couple of Extreme Meltdowns due to lack of sleep and he refused to sleep there. that was a tiring day.

~our houseplants have been murdered. josh took them outside awhile ago to rinse them off and give them a bit of sun. they were not impressed. now they all seem to be dying a slow death and we can do nothing but watch helplessly as they all wither into nothing.

i hear my boy waking up...gotta run

Easter Pictures

Easter Weekend

after an extended absence from on line activities (in my case, a weekend is considered extended absence) i always find it difficult to choose whether to post on my own blog, or read all of my favourites. today i decided to read my favourites first (my darling little boy is taking quite the long nap right now, which is allowing me to do this) but quickly became distraught when i found that i could no longer read or post comments. and there were many comments that i really badly wanted to post! so, to avoid further frustration, i thought i should stick to writing a new post and work out my computer problems later.

easter was lovely. and for all of the americans reading this, by saying easter i really mean the entire weekend. in canada we celebrate good friday, easter sunday AND easter monday. down here, it seems that only sunday is called easter. anyhow...we celebrated easter on saturday with the family. tristan did very well being out and about all day, even taking a few short naps in his Gran's crib (yipee!) he did sleep through the excitement of finding easter eggs and easter baskets. kaylee and john were generous enough to share a few of their eggs with him, though. the weather was overcast and chilly, but we still spent most of the day outside, picking strawberries and artichokes, playing with kaylee's hen named cindy, riding around on the lawn mower & just chatting and being together.

one person that we missed incredibly was gramps. he was admitted into the hospital wednesday night because of severe stomach pains. so far, his chemotherapy hasn't been giving him any awful side effects, for which we've been thankful. but he lost his appetite early in the week and then got those terrible pains. after running a million different tests, they've found that he has colitis. so he will hopefully be discharged soon. we all talked to him on speakerphone and wished him a happy easter. poor gramps.

because of spring break, we won't be having bible study this week, which means that josh won't be spending tonight and tomorrow evening preparing for it. i'm VERY excited about this, just because i've been feeling lately as if we really haven't spent much time together. i usually go to bed at around 8:30 just to be sure and get a proper sleep in, while josh stays up. on the weekends he's being doing extra work at side jobs, which has been a great blessing for us, but also a bit of a bummer because we aren't together as a family. so, we already have a trip to costco tomorrow evening planned and we're hoping to rent the pursuit of happyness tonight. as with most evenings, i'm sure there will be MANY interruptions, but hey, that's life with a baby.

oh yes, and i had a couple of easter pictures on here, but for some reason they won't publish and i'm not in the mood to try and figure it out. may post them separately later.

a picture to brighten up my blog

josh took this picture last night in our backyard. i'm posting it, lovingly, for my father who kept lamenting when he was here, "i can't believe i forgot to bring my bird book!" i forgot the name of it, so dad, be so kind as to comment and tell us all what it is. i think josh said oriole?

how groceries become exciting

friday morning i openend the fridge to get the milk out for my cereal and my heart sank. there was just enough milk for my cereal and that's it. which meant that i would have to haul myself and my son out to the grocery store. this may not sound like a big deal, but tristan likes to be That Kid in the store who wails inconsolably, disturbing everyone within earshot. he refuses to sleep in his carseat, so anytime i need to do errands, i do so at lightning speed before his over-tiredness causes a major outburst. as i was writing out my grocery list, the phone rang and whaddayaknow...it was my sweet mom in law telling me that she was free all day and could she do anything to help me? i gratefully accepted her offer, thrilled not only to be able to do groceries in peace, but to be able to Get Out of the House!!! hooray! not only that, but she gave me her starbucks giftcard to buy myself a coffee as well. i tell you, i took my time down each aisle, sipping my mocha, feeling oh so posh! and when i came home, tristan had been played with, changed and was sleeping soundly in his crib. amazing how an hour doing groceries alone has become such a treat.

that evening, i left tristan home with his daddy and drove off alone yet again, to my friend j'lene's house. she makes amazing jewelry out of gourds and was having a show at her place. i rolled down the windows, cranked the music, and felt free as a bird. 2 hours later i arrived back home only to discover that tristan had cried the ENTIRE time i was gone and had only just fallen asleep. josh wasted no time in making himself a bloody mary as he relayed the evening's events to me. i felt bad for him, i really did, but mostly i was secretly worried that he would think twice before allowing me to go off alone again.

sunday afternoon i went to a baby shower for my previously mentioned friend, j'lene. she is expecting a little girl in may and a cuter pregnant woman you could never find. the whole bowling ball on a stick thing? that is her to a t. anyhow, since josh had such a rough evening on friday, i told him that i'd bring tristan along with me to the shower. the bummer of it all was that i had to wake tristan from his nap just to bring him to church that morning, and as the time to leave for the shower drew near, it looked as if i'd have to wake him up from another nap. i really REALLY hate waking him up early like that. well, my dear husband, sensing my distress told me to leave tristan with him yet again. and so i did and had such a lovely time at the shower, chatting with my friends, eating the delicious cake that zandra and sara had made, watching j'lene open a million cute little pink things. and yet, as the clock ticked on, i felt a growing unease in my stomach. i called to check up on tristan and josh said he was doing great. still, that feeling would not go away. finally i couldn't take it anymore...i left the shower early and drove home, all the while consumed with the feeling of Missing My Baby!

i came in the house, and gave josh hugs and kisses and thank you's. when tristan woke up an hour later, i burst into his room and when he looked up at me with the biggest smile on his face, that feeling completely melted away. we cuddled and played to our hearts content. i felt like i just couldn't get enough of him. i almost felt disappointed when it was time for his next nap! as awesome as it felt to be able to get away alone, it felt even better to come home and be with my baby again.

i was reflecting on this this morning, just amazed that such a great kind of love could be felt for someone so small and, at times, so difficult. people say that the love you have for your children is so powerful, but i really had no idea what that meant until tristan was born. it now makes so much more sense to me why God calls us His children. the kind of unconditional love i feel for my son has nothing on the perfect love our Heavenly Father has for us. that just blows my mind.